Diaspora Marriages -Part I

Pastor Frank’s Observation Post

In this article, I want to express my observations of the natural reactions of many African men to the impact of western culture on their Diaspora marriages.

CULTURE SHOCK

On my radio marriage talk shows and counseling sessions in both Europe and America, I have observed that many African men get into a state of bewilderment and culture shock, when they realize the sudden truncation of their traditional powers by the civil laws of western societies. Many get so dazed that they are unable to recover for years. Hahahaha!

But they may need to understand that there is a strong reason for the new paradigms in these western societies where they have chosen to live their marriage lives. Much of the changes have to do with the rise in the intellectual or academic development and empowerment of women; and the resultant rapid shifts in the market place and household incomes in our generation.

Let’s read this research made by the Pew Research Center on marriages in America.

REPORT: MORE MEN GET ECONOMIC BOOST FROM MARRIAGE

“Historically, marriage was the surest route to financial security for women. Nowadays it's men who are increasingly getting the biggest economic boost from tying the knot, according to a new analysis of census data.

The changes, summarized in a Pew Research Center report being released Tuesday, reflect the proliferation of working wives over the past 40 years — a period in which American women outpaced men in both education and earnings growth. A larger share of today's men, compared with their 1970 counterparts, are married to women whose education and income exceed their own, and a larger share of women are married to men with less education and income.

"From an economic perspective, these trends have contributed to a gender role reversal in the gains from marriage," wrote the report's authors, Richard Fry and D'Vera Cohn.

"In the past, when relatively few wives worked, marriage enhanced the economic status of women more than that of men. In recent decades, however, the economic gains associated with marriage have been greater for men."

NEW REALITIES FACING AFRICAN MEN

1. One naked reality of their Diasporan marriages is that it is being lived out in western societies where the social and economic systems are totally different from theirs ‘back home’. So Rome would always have an influence on what you do, if you go settle there.

2. The academic development and global exposure of African women have made them more assertive of their natural rights and privileges, under God.

3. The medieval mindset of not doing your part of the household chores is long past. If the women of today have been taught to work both inside and outside the home, then it is only fair that the men of today also learn how to work both outside and inside the home.

4. The unspoken feelings of most Diasporan African women is: “Hey Guys, More Companionship, Less Servitude, Please”

THUS SAITH THE LORD

I believe that God also had African men in mind when He said”

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. (Ephesians 5:25-29)

MY SUGGESTION:

I have observed that those Diasporan African men who have quickly and smartly embraced the new realities of marriage life in their new Diasporan homes, and have paid the price to develop the needed skills of Marriage Companionship, are reaping amazingly huge support and benefits from their beautiful and ever shapely African wives.

This may be too difficult for many traditionally-raised African men to practice, but this wisdom from the Holy Scriptures might be of help.

“He (Any African man) who continually goes forth weeping (developing new social skills in his marriage), Bearing seed (of kind words) for sowing, Shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, Bringing his sheaves (Happy, submissive Diasporan African wife) with him. (Psalms 126:6)

By Pastor Frank Opoku-Amoako

Senior Pastor of: Destiny Life International Church,

8785 Commerce Court, Manassas, Virginia 20110.

Website: www.destinylifeusa.org]