Diaspora Marriages - Part 2

Pastor Frank's Observation Post

This is part two of my observations of the marriages of our African
men and women in the Diaspora, particularly in Europe and North
America.

My purpose is to generate public discussions about how
marriages are being lived in the Diaspora, under the socio-cultural
and economic environments that, in many ways, are different from what
they were 'back home'.


Having pastored churches and engaged in marriage counseling sessions
and radio talk shows, both at home and abroad, I have observed a lot
of very interesting dynamics, some of which I share in these articles.
In Part one, I wrote about how some African men respond to marriage
challenges in the Diaspora. Now, this is what I have also observed
about some African women.


Observations of Fellow Women

To be fair to our women, I threw the question out to my listeners on
my marriage talk show; and this is what a hundred percent of the
African women who phoned in from around the world said. (This does not
necessarily make my finding scientific)


My question was: "With the many complaints that our African men always
make against our African women in the Diaspora, what is your personal
observation of the realities?"


Responses from fellow Diaspora African Women:

1. Most of the women have grown wings.
2. Too much liberty has not helped most of our African women.
3. Academic knowledge has made some of them lose their African wisdom.
4. Some of them have become 'too known'.
5. Our women have truly been helped by western culture, but many have
lost their sense of balance between economic empowerment and good
African values.
6. Pastor, some of them are unable to respect their husbands when they
begin to earn more income than their men.
7. Some of them appear to value their marriages until property
acquisition start getting in.
8. Some of them are unable to manage their high position and power at
work, and humility at home.
9. Pastor Frank, because they say they also work outside the home,
they really starve and punish us in our marriage beds.
10. Some of the men truly help their women up the ladder, only for the
ladies to kick off the ladder once they get to the top.
11. Pastor Frank, they say that they know their rights, so they refuse
to sit when we ask them to.

These are the comments that came from fellow Diaspora women, although
they also admitted that, in many ways, the ill treatments of some of
the women by their men are strong contributory factors.

My Suggestion
My suggestion to our ever beautiful African women is that, their
academic, social and financial rise is always a plus to themselves and
their homes; however, Western educational and financial empowerment
without the balance of good old African wisdom always leads to
disaster in the home.


The Bible says that:
A false balance is abomination to the LORD: but a just weight is his
delight. (Proverbs 11:1)

What African Virtue?
The highest cardinal virtue of every married woman, be they African or
American, black or white, educated or illiterate, rich or poor, is
their REVERENCE of their man.


This virtue, our African mothers, grandmothers and great, great
grandmothers taught us much in their rich African proverbs.
* "She who refuses to reverence her own husband, shall discover one
day that she has no man to lead her to the village funeral."
* "Your beauty may take you into the palace, but it will take your
character to settle you there."
* "If your mouth turns into a knife, it will cut off your lips."
* No matter how poor he may be, do not tell the man who is carrying
you that he stinks"
* "The best sauce is best cooked in an old African pan."

And the good old Book, the Holy Bible, says that:
"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of
the church: and he is the savior of the body.

Therefore, as the church
is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in
every thing." (Ephesians 5:22-24)

[By Pastor Frank Opoku-Amoako
Senior Pastor: Destiny Life International Church
Manassas, Virginia. USA
Website: www.destinylifeusa.org]