"As I Opine"

with David TeyeZanyoh

When you love someone: romeo & juliet even after february 14!
"I never thought I could find my dream woman while awake. But thanks to you I've found that and more: I love you, Nana Abena." "Just me and you, my angel, having a great time together; who says there is no heaven on earth?!" Those were the words of a fine gentleman who, from every obvious and glaring indication, and like today's Ghana cedi, has fallen the hardest in love with a lady.

He is not alone! This phenomenon is rather ubiquitous irrespective of the persons we are because we all, as it were, yearn to love and be loved in return. A lady who was hitherto a man's dream partner is now the last person he would want to see, not to talk of date. Oh, how pathetic!
Valentine's Day is only few hours shy of being due on February 14, 2014 at 12:00 GMT (please not Ghana Man Time oo) and love is hovering in the air albeit with much intensity than ever before.
Not to be rude to you though, but please don't bother to peruse this article any further if your sole quest in a relationship is anything other than having and keeping a healthy long lasting one. No, wait a minute- you are human and thus liable to change, right? Good. Then please read on. Again, if you subscribe to the school of thought that holds that just securing a lover/partner is all that matters, then I am afraid your doctrine is about to lose basis/essence by the time you see the last full stop of this write-up. Note this: your concern matters just as much as making deliberate and conscious efforts at keeping a long lasting relationship.

My inclination to talk about this stems from the fact that I've seen countless honey-sweet relationships turn bile-sour. A long term relationship is something many a lover, both young and old, wish and actually long for but find it well-nigh impossible to achieve.

Finding a true lover is critically important. But even more so is keeping that fellow long enough in a relationship to enjoy, and let it run its full course in order not to lose them prematurely (midway through the love journey).

I am tremendously saddened to inform you that relationship experts, the world over, have for the umpteenth time, said that people take much more pain in finding (searching) a lover than they actually do in keeping them. ... And in fact, I couldn't but completely and concretely concur with them, given what I have heard, read and of course experienced, as a young lad. This may, in part, most certainly, be due to these people not knowing or blatantly and stubbornly refusing to adhere to the sage admonishments of these experts and many alike.

Indeed, I know a man who has spent a colossal amount of money, and time as well as painstaking effort to win a lady's heart but owing to a plethora of reasons had to virtually look on as the otherwise very-sweet relationship came crushing. Just the other day I wore a wry smile after witnessing a lady break down in a barrelful of tears following a break-up with her 'first love'. Sad, isn't it?!

Believe you me, millions of people would woefully fail should they be given on a silver platter, their dream man/woman to have a long lasting relationship with. In this light, I am ashamed to mention that I once fell within this category but after knowing now what I didn't know then (long lasting relationship tips), I got saved.

Honestly, I may not be an ordained prophet nor an incredibly credible soothsayer up in my village, but in truth, I can confidently and correctly foretell how the relationship of millions of people will end if they refuse to follow the ways I am about to either make known or perhaps repeat to them.

I've been interrogating, with the greatest degree of pain and wonder, why some folks keep hopping from one man/woman to another in a rather fruitless bid to find 'Mr./Mrs. Right' but have since not been able to fathom anything in that regard. Bluntly, I must say that these people are seriously and ignorantly misplacing their priority. Instead, and really, they have little or no idea whatsoever about how to sustain a relationship that long.

Another group in this same circle or thereabout, habour the notion that immediately a relationship gets beset with a problem(s), that relationship is not meant to be or better yet, the partners are not compatible. Well, I boldly say to them, that's a lie!

I have to cardinally admit that I've learnt a lot on this earth, but I come nowhere near a relationship expert in his/her field at least, neither have I ever taken up a course in this area. Fortunately, however, I am, no matter how small, privy to few ways of keeping a long lasting relationship. ... And I advise that you take me seriously as much as you do your religious leader else doom for you. Walaahi!

Enough of this preliminary talk. Here are some tips that I trust you will not lose sight of.
Just as you kowtow to pray to God (Allah) for His favour and blessings in your business (finances), education and family, so should you also seek His ever-ready assistance and guidance in your relationship. Some people (atheist perhaps) may regard this not-too-important thing to do but I think that should be the first ever step to take as long as you would want to see your see relationship hit the promise land. Follow this, and I guarantee He will speedily give a hand since we are humans and thus can't do it all on our own.

I would like to start off by espousing that one of the ways, and in fact very key, to keep a long lasting relationship is to stay involved with your partner at all times. You have to relate well and work together with your partner for a stable relationship. Here, there should be enough communication between you and your lover at every step of the way as absence of this has the higher likelihood of creating a distance even when you are only a centimetre away from each other.

Another and equally helpful way is to get through all conflicts with your partner. Every relationship regardless of how great it is bound to hit an impediment(s) at a certain point. From this reasoning, in the wake of a conflict, it would be inappropriate to let tempers fly unduly high getting the better of you simply hinging on sheer whim and uncalculated thought. Of course, one cannot be begrudged for engaging in a verbal scuffle with their partner as it is only natural and inevitable that conflicts will come. Further, this then again comes with compromise and tolerance of each other’s' positions either in a discourse or a debate. Taking cognisance of this would provide a fertile ground for the relationship to flourish, thus ultimately being of immense help to every long lasting relationship aspirant, with me including.

Thirdly, you should take interest in whatever your partner loves and enjoys doing often. There's nothing so refreshing and romantic as to have a wo/man show interest and share in what her/his partner takes delight in. It may be football (sports), movies, food, healthy debate of some sort, music and plenty more. This augments the love between them. Linda (fictitious name), my ex-girlfriend, never loved football but would often times tell me match fixtures, and even discuss with me very briefly Manchester United FC and Cristiano Ronaldo, my favourite team and player. How nice! How could I ever forget the banku with chicken, tuna and 'wele'-filled okra stew (my favourite meal) she sometimes prepares for me. Oh my God! Don't salivate: that's not the crux of the matter. Ha-ha!

This perhaps is one of the most important ways, several experts argue: showing appreciation for both the love and any other good thing your partner shows and does for you. It is critically relevant to tell that special person how much you love them (don't do it perfunctorily). Dale Carnegie, the famous American writer, in his book "How to Win Friends & Influence People", discussed vividly how important it is to constantly remind people (in this case our lovers) of how appreciative we are of them. In the same vein, we should appreciate our partners for loving us. Why? Because there were and still are an awful lot of men/women out there but they chose us, despite our stark imperfection. Again, appreciate anything he/she does for you no matter how small it is. William James further and unequivocally buttresses this by saying: "The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated". So you see? There is a direct relationship between appreciation and long lasting relationship.

Rather different from the above way is that you should as much as possible spend time with each other. Yes, spend time, and a quality one at that! It is becoming increasingly clear, research shows, that partners get overly caught up in their work and other time-consuming schedules throughout the week from morning to very late in the night. Resultantly, they do not have time to catch up. This can have dire ramifications for the relationship thereby wrecking it. Having stated the relevancy of time, it is however worthy to note the fact that, we need to use it in moderacy rather than abuse it, as too much of it (time) takes away the suspense and anxiety that characterises a sweet relationship.

What's more, you should be spontaneous. Often times, people tend to, as it were, relax in a relationship immediately they realise they've finally 'got' (secured) their partner. They no longer do the wonderful things they used to do in the initial stages to make the love affair well refreshed and 'onga-ly' spiced up. The surprise element is an integral part of a relationship if it is to survive overtime. You should take your lover's breathe away by doing something amazingly thoughtful and extraordinarily picturesque. Illustratively, I sharply recall when I used to periodically take Linda out to wonderful hangouts plus surprise her, in my own small way, with gifts. Please don't try exactly this if your pocket isn't well cash-stuffed because "enye easy". Women should also reciprocate these gestures in their own right and in any respect they see fit. Surprise gifts, anyway, should suit your partner's personality (taste/style/interest), so he/she will appreciate.

More so, apart you must keep the romance alive (insert link), you can be friends with your partner's friends and others around him/her as well as keeping outside relationship and interests alive. Some people are fond of ending all other friendships when they are dating. This isn't the best thing to. Remember you had those friends in your life way before your sweetheart walked in. Finally, the relationship should be based on mutual respect.

There are over a dozen more ways/tips for having a long lasting relationship discussed by as many experts but I reckon these ones would be helpful enough. Adhere to them. ...And Presto! You will have a rock-solid relationship. I hasten to add that and admittedly, keeping a relationship that long is no cake walk.

Just for the records, I'd like to underscore the fact that I don't mean to be hard on all who cannot or wouldn't want to keep a relationship very long. I am only passing on an advice to you as a caring brother and friend. I wish I were perfect myself- couldn't date Linda for even more than a year! Oops! Did I just reveal that?! Don't ask me why because I won't tell you.

All told, it is my fervent prayer that you find the woman/man of your dreams and when the latter finally arrives, may it work out well for you. Also, to my paddies: I know 'boys abre,' but may we not approach a girl 'all because of...". Can I hear a believer scream amen?!
Happy Val's Day and please buy me some 'Golden Tree’ chocolate: I'll be in Commonwealth Hall (Vandal City) on the D-day. See you on another matter.

By David TeyeZanyoh,
University of Ghana, Legon.
0247 628151,
www.facebook.com/teye2g3@yahoo.com,
david_mensah87@yahoo.com,
@dave4u0408