Happy birthday, our soon-to-be 72 year old president!

“Happy birthday to you…; happy birthday to you………! Happy birthday oh Nana………….; happy birthday to you...…!”

Sorry, that didn’t sound like a song but actually, it is a song meant for you; that’s the only birthday song I know! LoL!

Because I would really want to witness your presidency (especially because all I keep hearing these days is that you are the saviour, that you are a better leader than all your other competitors like AlanCash and the incumbent president, even though you have never been a president before, not even in an acting role), I would want you to consider some of the issues I want to raise here.

They said you are the one who is going to transform Ghana into a heaven! Since Ghana is obviously full of sinners: corrupt citizens, greedy politicians, doom-mongering pastors, quack doctors, irresponsible journalists and oh, all those witches in the Kumawood movies, we would really appreciate it if we can have our own “heaven” right here in Ghana. Some of these people look up to you like a god; do you know that?

According to your nephew, Okoampa-Ahoofe, I am a child, but I’m not going to give you a childish advice. Please start some sort of early morning physical exercise now, say some jogging or some push-ups, you know, stuff like that; let your wife help you; and hopefully, by 2016, you’d be in great shape and we can shame all those people who are now trying to use your age against you. Shame unto you, doom-mongers!

Campaigning especially in an election year (when you’d actually be 72) can be very very tiresome, that’s true; even your deputy, the much younger Dr Bawumia confessed to that in 2008: the so much travelling, so much junk food, some uncomfortable hotel room, and umm, our bad roads, etc. How old was Dr Bawumia by then? Even more worrying is the fact that you probably would be competing against a much younger sitting president who’d obviously have the incumbency advantage.

Aside that, in 2016, please, and please make sure all your campaign platforms are raised by people who are HONESTLY LOYAL TO YOU! At places where you know the people have not been your supporters in the past, if possible, make sure the platforms are raised by your own daughters; nobody want to see a 72-year old man somersault again, out of someone’s negligence or intent, like the way it happened to you, even in Kumasi. That wasn’t funny!

Also, I am sure at your age, comments like “all-die-be-die” won’t be showing their faces again; such comments coming from our latest “statesman” wouldn’t auger well for your campaign, and if unfortunately people like Sir John have to be around to defend such statements, we might not see the “heaven” anytime soon. Even if you wish to add such ideas to your campaign, let people like Okoampa Ahoofe champion it! People like him have no reputation to try to protect.

Since I’d like to get to lectures, let me just say I wish you all that you wish for yourself; and please, consider the points I have made over here. Thank you and enjoy the day to the best of your ability!

Tony Anum

KNUST, Kumasi

March 27, 2014