Ever been torn between two very important decisions to make? Where you felt you were really that unsure about what to or not do?

Can a man have that much clarity in a complication? What is that thing always underneath the mess of confusing thoughts that sometimes, dances on the surface of our focus? - DBM

#MyChatWithHim

HG: Dave, good afternoon.

David Bondze (DB): Hello! Good afternoon. How are you?

HG: Fine. You?

DB: I am doing alright, thanks.

HG: I told my wife about a girl I was attracted to.

DB: You did?

HG: Yes.

DB: Why is that?

HG: We promised to be open about these kinds of things.

DB: Good for you.

HG: She wanted me to have sex with her.

DB: Lol!

HG: I am serious.

DB: What was her reason for this suggestion?

HG: She claims she does not want to deny me of my cravings.

DB: Really?

HG: Hmmm!

DB: I think I like her.

HG: You do?

DB: Kind of.

HG: Why?

DB: Because she’s ‘crazy’. I like a little bit of crazy every now and then – to humor myself.

HG: But is what she suggested a good thing?

DB: No. I think your wife is already cheating on you.

HG: Oh, come on. No!

DB: Okay!

HG: She’s not like that.

DB: Okay!

HG: I introduced the lady friend to her and they became very good friends.

DB: Became?

HG: She got pregnant.

DB: Lol!

HG: Hmmm!

DB: Your pregnancy?

HG: Yes.

DB: Your wife has kids?

HG: Yes, two.

DB: Nice.

HG: Girls.

DB: Cool!

HG: And the lady’s family suggested I married her traditionally.

DB: In addition to your wife?

HG: Hmmm!

DB: They know about your marital status?

HG: They do.

DB: I see. And, what did your wife say about all this?

HG: Nothing. She was in support, 100%.

DB: Lol!

HG: Why?

DB: I’m surprised you don’t find what you are saying to me funny.

HG: It’s not funny.

DB: Ok. So, what happened next?

HG: I rented a place for her to put to bed first, and then, would have traditionally engaged her. That was my agreement with her family.

DB: Okay?

HG: I have a baby boy with her. But the lady died three days after childbirth.

DB: Were there any complications?

HG: No Dave, she was doing very fine. The doctor’s reports verified all this.

DB: So, what went wrong?

HG: Apparently, my wife paid her a visit, spent time with her and her mother. I did not even know about my wife’s visit, because she had been very busy with work that week. I had been very busy with work too.

DB: Are you drawing any conclusions?

HG: I’m not sure, but the lady’s mother is suspecting foul play.

DB: Your wife and mistress were friends, right?

HG: They were. Very good friends. She used to support her pregnancy with money, prayers and all… just to make life very comfortable for her and the pregnancy.

DB: I see. And your wife was the only person to have visited them that day?

HG: Yes.

DB: Hmmm!

HG: They are denying me access to the baby until I get my wife behind bars.

DB: For what crime?

HG: I don’t know. They think she is responsible.

DB: But her mother was also present in the house that day. They should not be looking at just one suspect.

HG: My wife has been crying since my baby-mama died because she’s equally grieving.

DB: I see. Do you love your wife?

HG: I do, very much.

DB: So, why were you attracted to another person?

HG: She was pretty, nice body and all. And I liked talking to her. She made me laugh a lot.

DB: Your wife is not any of that?

HG: She is.

DB: So, why that other woman?

HG: She was my taste.

DB: I see. Who pursued the other first?

HG: I think I did.

DB: You think?

HG: What has one got to do with the other?

DB: Everything. What you seek should be/have been seeking you also.

HG: Hmmm.

DB: Yes!

HG: I liked her. It was as simple as that.

DB: And she liked you too.

HG: Yes.

DB: Now she’s dead. What are you going to do?

HG: Not sure, but I will bury her. All I want is my baby boy. My wife has only girls. This woman gave me a boy, and her family are preventing me from seeing my child.

DB: Hmmm!

HG: The only condition to be with son is to get my wife arrested.

DB: The police have spoken to your wife?

HG: Yes. Already taken her statement.

DB: I see

HG: Now they are claiming the child isn’t mine. Anything to get me away from my child.

DB: How do you know it’s yours?

HG: The child is mine.

DB: Okay!

HG: I don’t know what to do.

DB: I know what you can do: Forget the baby, concentrate on your wife and kids.

HG: That boy is my legitimate child. He is the heir to my inheritance.

DB: How about your girls?

HG: They are girls.

DB: I see. How old are you?

HG: 46

DB: And, how long have you been married?

HG: 13 years

DB: What is your wife capable of?

HG: Dave, it’s not her. She cannot even kill mosquitoes.

DB: Okay.

HG: I don’t know if it’s appropriate to sue them?

DB: Have you buried the lady?

HG: No.

DB: Bury her first.

HG: And then, what?

DB: I don’t know.

HG: My wife told me this morning to either forget about the child or choose between our marriage.

DB: Hmmm!

HG: I want that baby.

DB: Because it’s a boy?

HG: Yes, and also, because I had him with a woman I loved.

DB: Smh! How much did you love that other woman?

HG: I had so much love for her, Dave. A lot.

DB: And your wife knew?

HG: I think so.

DB: For how long had you known her?

HG: For some time.

DB: How much time?

HG: Years.

DB: How many years?

HG: Dave, is that important?

DB: Yes.

HG: I was seeing her when my wife and I first met.

DB: And you married your wife?

HG: Yes. She got pregnant.

DB: As in, wife?

HG: Yes.

DB: Okay!

HG: It’s complicated, I know.

DB: Did your wife know about her existence then?

HG: No.

DB: I see. Were you sleeping with her prior to your ‘opening’ up to your wife?

HG: Yes.

DB: I see.

HG: What do you see?

DB: Never mind.

HG: I mind.

DB: You told me your wife suggested you slept with her… Making it all sound as if she encouraged it.

HG: This whole love thing makes everything so complicated.

DB: Nope! Love didn’t make things messy. You did that all on your own.

HG: I knew you were going to assume that.

DB: There’s nothing as complicated as the truth.

HG: Hmmm! Do you think my wife is being fair also giving me alternates?

DB: She’s your wife. She has the right to challenge your indecisions.

HG: We’ve always needed a son.

DB: You have always needed a son.

HG: I’m not letting this go.

DB: No one is asking you to.

HG: My wife is.

DB: Do you love your wife?

HG: Dave, you’ve already asked that.

DB: Oh, I have? And what was your response?

HG: Smh!

DB: Are you happy in your marriage?

HG: I don’t know.

DB: Okay!

HG: I want my son.

DB: Your wife wants her marriage with you back.

HG: My wife and I are still married.

DB: Hmmm!

HG: What do I do? Because I am hating the position I’m finding myself in right now.

DB: Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself.