At the funeral celebration for a man from Koforidua who passed away recently, a particular group of people was conspicuous by its absence. This group represents the chiefs, the queens, as well as other leaders of the Ghanaian community in the Chicago area whose majestic and colorful presence has always graced such events. The unprecedented action of the elders stemmed from their recent controversial decision not to participate any longer in the funerals of deceased members of the community who didn’t belong to any of the various ethnic and social organizations at the time of death. In addition to funerals, other social events such as weddings, naming ceremonies, and birthdays hosted by people who are not affiliated with any community group will henceforth be boycotted or at least officially ignored by the associations.

We have mixed feelings about the boycott policy, which the elders and the organizations they represent defend on the grounds of fairness. We do not deny that injustice exists in a situation where some people make all the sacrifices and others contribute practically nothing and yet expect to enjoy all the benefits their community has to offer. But while we agree that something has to be done to ensure that people don’t reap any benefits they don’t deserve, we don’t think boycotting funerals is the best solution.

It is one thing to punish the living for refusing to play by the rules by boycotting their social events. Such an action is both legitimate and sensible because those whom the boycott is designed to hurt pay the price directly. But how in heaven’s name do you punish the dead for the same reason by boycotting their funerals? It is a futile exercise that will accomplish nothing except to victimize and antagonize the relatives and friends of the deceased who, by the way, might be active in their community’s social affairs. Is it fair to punish such people by abandoning them in their hour of need?

The shabby treatment meted out to the Brong-Ahafofuohene by his peers clearly illustrates this point. Due to his association with the deceased in some way, Nana Yaw Gyamfi was morally obligated to play a leading role in the funeral in question and was most likely counting on at least the moral support of his fellow chiefs, who, unfortunately, chose to desert him for no apparent reason other than to teach a dead person a lesson. As he sat in the company of his lieutenants and other mourners at the funeral that night, Nana Yaw was visibly upset and no doubt felt betrayed. Let us not forget that the dead are not responsible for their own funerals; the people whom they leave behind are. And since those people are all part of a web of interlocking personal relationships, boycotting an emotional event like a funeral could hurt and alienate an entire community of innocent persons.

There is also an important cultural angle to this issue. Boycotting a funeral just to get even with the dead is frowned upon in the old country, where magnanimity toward fallen foes is strongly encouraged. That is why most people back home in Ghana are more likely to put aside any differences they might have had with even their bitterest dead enemies and attend the funerals to pay their final respects than stay away, which would make them look callous and petty. Therefore, even from a cultural perspective, boycotting a funeral for any reason is hardly the right thing to do. All our efforts to promote Ghanaian culture in this country will be meaningless if we as a community so needlessly disrespect the memory of our dead in breach of Ghanaian cultural norms.

As our community expands even as the number of our aging residents grows, death is going to become an ever-present reality in our lives in a way it has never been before. The funeral events – and may they be few and far between – should all be community-wide affairs as opposed to some events receiving the support of the elders and the associations while others are boycotted by them. Indeed, our community should be viewed as one big transplanted Ghanaian ancestral village, where the entire community collectively helps out with every funeral, no exceptions, whether or not the deceased lived a life that met the gold standard of society. Of course, the associations don’t have to bend over backward to assist the bereaved families of non-members, but just being at the funerals to offer their moral support would mean all the world to people who have lost a loved one and need all the support they can get in such trying times.

Boycotting a funeral, especially for vindictive reasons, is nothing less than a demonstration of heartless indifference to the fate of another human being – a fate which, sooner or later, will befall all of us, too. When we, as humans, mourn the passing of a fellow human, we acknowledge our own mortality. John Donne, the great British metaphysical poet, said it best when he wrote a long time ago: “Any man’s death diminishes me because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.”