It has long been a common practice among African immigrants and their counterparts from other ethnic societies to go back home for a wife. Mistrustful of the women from their own native lands as well as those from other cultures with whom they interact in the Diaspora, many eligible bachelors from these immigrant communities looking for wives turn to the old country in the belief that the women there are less assertive and therefore less likely to give them a hard time as wives. It turns out, however, that the trans-ocean brides are not much of a bargain either. Most of the marriages involving them hit the rocks even before the dust from the wedding celebrations has settled.



There are several reasons why these marriages don’t work, not the least of which is that many couples don’t get to know each other sufficiently before tying the knot. What usually happens is that, after a brief trip to the old country by the man where he is introduced to a woman, and after a few, often drunken dates where passion is substituted for clear thinking, a new marital union is all but a certainty. It doesn’t take much to see that such a hastily consummated marriage is doomed to fail sooner or later, in fact, much sooner than later.



Another important reason for the failed marriages stems from the fact that many women back home, eager to trade their miserable existence for a better life in the El Dorado that they perceive America or Europe to be, would say YES without the slightest hesitation to a marriage proposal from any man living in these parts of the world, even if they don’t love him. But soon after the women join their spouses overseas, reality harshly intrudes as the fragile foundations of the loveless unions begin to buckle under the strain of constant arguments and fights, usually over nothing of substance. Before long, the women start packing their bags, and the marriages are over for all practical purposes. Interestingly, the women wind up most of the time in the outstretched arms of former boyfriends who, for various reasons, couldn’t bring them over but have no second thoughts taking them away from their husbands. So much for the less assertive, submissive old-country woman!



Evidently this makes the practice of importing wives from home such a bad idea, a gamble that mostly produces disappointment and pain for all the parties involved. Yet it is a situation that could be avoided if only the men who are in the market for spouses would take advantage of proximity and marry the proverbial girl next door. Because both live in this country or in the same country overseas, perhaps even in the same city, it would be a lot easier for the couple to know whatever there is to know about each other by dating regularly for a reasonable amount of time as opposed to dating for only a few short weeks in Ghana or Nigeria or wherever the action may be taking place due to time constraints on the part of the man. Men wouldn’t run the risk of marrying the wrong woman who would say yes to their offers of marriage not out love but out of a desire to come to America or Europe.



All this by no means implies that marriages between male and female compatriots in the Diaspora are free from problems. They are not and are subject to the same kind of pressures associated with all marital relations. Like any others, the couples in these marriages argue, fight, and divorce. And expatriate wives do have a reputation for guarding their role as equal partners in marriage very jealously, which sometimes leads to serious problems, especially if they are married to old-fashioned men who do not believe in gender equality in the home. Surely, there is no such thing as a problem-free marriage, but couples in marriages that are the products of conscious courtship and dating and mutual love are always able to cope with domestic challenges far better than couples who find themselves in marriages that can best be described as make-believe, which is what marriages involving imported brides essentially are.



Our local immigrant communities have been blessed with their fair share of classy single ladies who would want nothing better than settling down with nice, responsible gentlemen. Instead of going off to Africa and other far-flung destinations across the globe looking for love which they may never find in those places, maybe our bachelor friends should focus their attention on the sisters who are already in our midst. After all, they couldn’t do any worse than imported brides, who only end up breaking the hearts of their husbands and humiliating them as they desert them in favor of the men they truly love.