"I've’ve been married for 10 years, and he’s not allowed our romance to fizzle out over the years. I’ve not felt insecure about the relationship in any way, since we got together. He’s always making me feel special with his compliments and attention to me. My husband’s appreciation of me is the boost that turns my day from awkward to better. Every day, in these 10 years, he tells me ”I love you honey”. Every day. He’s already said it twice this morning, and each time he says it, I feel his heart in it.” – EAN

#MyStory

“I had been single for years, and I was 36. As a strong Christian woman, I was doing the needful, praying, keeping neat and smart, and generally looking good by the day. I did not have a type. All I wanted was a good man, educated, decent and he had to be working. None showed up to me. It was frustrating because people I knew all had partners or were beautiful enough to attract suitors. I wasn’t attracting any, and it was becoming a problem for me day in day out.

In 2009, I became friends with an 89 year old woman when I moved to a new neighborhood. She had been married for 50 years and was living with her husband, three houses away from mine. All their kids and grandchildren were abroad. I think I was leaving the house to go to the market when she approached me. She wanted to pound Fufu, and was asking me to buy some ingredients from town. She showed me where she lived, and I agreed to shop for her. That’s how we became friends. I helped her pound the Fufu that evening, and she served me at her home. We started talking and then she asked the question,

“Is there a man in your life?”

She shared the story of how she approached her husband some 53 years ago and just asked him out. She then advised me to do same, “find any random man you find attractive, approach him with a smile on your face, ask him if he’s single, and invite him out for a drink.”

Here is the thing, I do not know how to approach people. Secondly, as a woman, I was always expecting a man to make the first move on me. Also, strangers approaching me is something I do not like, because I see it as people interrupting my space without prior warning. I can sense bullshit from afar. That was why I could not imagine doing it to someone else, because I hate it. The third point was, I did not have the confidence in me to make such moves. I did not want to come across as ‘desperate’ and ‘needy’.

Aunty Akua’s advice kept ringing in my ears for weeks, and each week, she would ask if I had found someone attractive to talk to. She would insist I tried her recipe. One day, I decided to ask her husband for his side of their story. He confirmed the wife’s approach to ask him out – out of nowhere, but also indicated that, he had time to want to talk to someone else when she made her first move on him. Meaning, her timing was good and he could return a flirt, because he was single then. He seconded his wife’s suggestion to me but also cautioned to observe what a man is doing before invading his space to start a conversation.

So I remember when I first walked to my husband to introduce myself, he was relaxed and at his leisure. He really wanted to talk to me too. We had queued at the Barclays Bank and were waiting our turns to withdraw money. There were a lot of gorgeous men across the room, but this guy was my pick to hit on. I greeted him with my warmest of smiles and introduced myself. He said hello, and then introduced himself. I asked him if he were single and he smiled back with a light nod. The nod alone was enough for me, so I wrote my phone number on a piece of paper, and gave it to him. I did not say anything again. I did not ask for his phone number. I did not want to make things uncomfortable for him so I politely walked away to my seat, leaving the ball in his court.

Aunty Akua once told me to remind myself always, that I could be rejected by some of these guys I would approach, and I was not supposed to feel bad about it. It wasn’t about me. It could mean they weren’t interested, or not feeling the vibe that particular day. I told myself I wasn’t going to stress or overthink this if he did not call. He cashed his money and walked out of the banking hall, without a smile or wave at me. It was embarrassing but worth the shot. I finished with my banking activities and went out.

Guess who was at the entrance waiting for me?

We’ve been married for 10 years, and he’s not allowed our romance to fizzle out over the years. I’ve not felt insecure about the relationship in any way, since we got together. He’s always making me feel special with his compliments and attention to me. My husband’s appreciation of me is the boost that turns my day from awkward to better. Every day, in these 10 years, he tells me ”I love you honey”. Every day. He’s already said it twice this morning, and each time he says it, I feel his heart in it.”