Respected counsellor, Frank Edem Adofoli, has advised single men and women to desist from wasting time and resources on partners who are not ready for marriage, insisting that people who do so are mistaking wastage of time for patience.

“A good number of singles are wasting their time in the name of being patient with their partner. People need to know that, there is a difference between Singles relationships and marriage relationships. Marriage relationships come with commitment and security, Singles relationships come with diligence and carefulness…

Why do you waste all your time and resources trying to grow or qualify someone for marriage when you see red flags showing they don’t have what you are looking for? Spending time and resources on such a person to become who you want is a waste of time. There is a possibility they won’t become. People who waste their time doing that don’t know what they are looking for,” he cautioned in a piece entitled “Singles, Wasting Time is not Same as being patient.”

For the experienced revered counsellor, persons should spend time and resources or suffer with only those they are married to given that the prevalence of partners being ditched after wasting time and resources is high.

Full piece below:

A good number of singles are wasting their time in the name of being patient with their partner. People need to know that, there is a difference between Singles relationships and marriage relationships. Marriage relationships come with commitment and security, Singles relationships come with diligence and carefulness.

A candidate for an interview does not behave as a permanent staff of the company he or she is attending a job interview at. A company can spend time and resources on their staff, be patient with them, groom them to become who they want them to be but the same company cannot do that for a candidate who comes in for interviews. One may ask, the staff was once a candidate so why can’t new candidates be treated the same way?

The company had their requirements, knew what they were looking for and before the staff was given the job or opportunity, they conducted an interview and investigation to know she or he was the right person for the job. Once they knew they had the right person, spending on him or her was not a problem. They see it as an investment for the company’s growth and prosperity.

The maximum time a company can spend on a candidate for an interview is a few hours, for they understand time is priceless. Once a candidate does not meet their requirements or doesn’t have what the company is looking for, they have no business investing in such a person or waiting for him or her to attain the requirements to get the job.

The position, vacancy or opening is reserved for the next and right person who is someone new or different.

Why do you waste all your time and resources trying to grow or qualify someone for marriage when you see red flags showing they don’t have what you are looking for? Spending time and resources on such a person to become who you want is a waste of time. There is a possibility they won’t become. People who waste their time doing that don’t know what they are looking for.

For those dating, whose partners have demonstrated a character, attitude, behaviour etc which you don’t want or are not looking for in your husband or wife and you keep wasting your time on them claiming you are being patient with them, you are not. You are wasting time.

The fact that you have some baggage or issues yourself does not mean you should waste your time on someone in the name of being patient. If you believe you have issues, work on yourself than adding more issues to it. The new person you are adding won’t override or take away your issues. It rather multiplies it. It becomes more difficult and complicated.

This is the relationship many people find themselves in for years all in the name of getting married, yet don’t know when that is going to happen.

Patience means long-suffering, don’t go and suffer long on someone you are studying for marriage. Rather suffer with someone who has signed to be with you for better or for worse.

You have heard stories of people who stood by those who had nothing, suffered with or for them just so they could get married one day, which turned out to be a scam. You have heard lots of such stories, they are very true, learn from them and don’t add yours to that record. Don’t be a victim.

In conclusion, “The road to life is a disciplined life; ignore correction and you’re lost for good” – Proverbs 10:17 (MSG).