Recently I met a guy who proposed to me. I didn’t know him that much so I told him to give me some time to think about it. I wanted to study him and know him very well so I know what I was getting myself into. From that day he proposed, he called me every morning asking for a response. The answer was always the same, “Dear, I don’t want us to rush into anything that leads us to nowhere. If you have forever in mind, then little time for me to think about it shouldn’t be a problem.”

He would call in the morning and ask how my night was. In the afternoon, he would call to ask how my day was going. He would call in the evening and call late night to tell me to sleep well. That was kind and thoughtful but I’d been there before. Guys come looking flowery and all until you give them a chance. Then they begin to wilt as if the chance you gave them was bad weather. I didn’t want to fall for that so I kept asking him to give me some time.

He was all over me. When I post a photo on Facebook, he’ll be the first person to comment and then share the photo with the caption, “That’s my girl.” or “The girl after my own heart,” or “The mother of my future children.”

It sounded desperate so I decided to call him to order; “Odoyewu sweetheart, I see what you’re doing and doesn’t sound real. You don’t have to prove anything to me or you don’t have to go too far to do all these that you’re doing. Just be yourself. That’s all.” He asked me, “What do you mean if you tell me to be myself?” I told him, “You broke up with your ex a year ago, right?” You mean if I go a year or two back on your timeline, I would see the photos of your ex that you shared? Did you even share her photos on your timeline at all, just like you’re doing to me?”

He looked to me like someone who was in a hurry. He was in a hurry to push me to say yes to him. He talked about marriage in a way that sounded like marriage was everything to him; “When you say yes to me today, we’ll both mark it on the calendar. Exactly a year later, both of us will get married. If you doubt me, let’s give it a try.” A relationship is not something you give it a try. It’s something you go in with the intention to build, nurture, and make it work. You don’t give it a try and later say we tried and it didn’t work. If you try and it fails, you don’t get anything back. You lose everything; time, trust, effort, wasted emotions. Everything.

I wasn’t ready to try. I wanted to be sure.

Regardless of all the things he did wrong, I liked his trying spirit. The never-give-up attitude of his. No matter what I said to him, he came back the next day trying to do better. Two months later, he asked me to visit him because he was the one coming to me all the time. I agreed. I visited his place and we had a lot of fun that day. He was humorous and attentive. He prepared a meal that didn’t go well but I liked the fact that he tried. We watched his favorite movie and I fell in love with the movie too. If the love I had for him was zero, after that day, my love for him moved from zero to say 20%. Twenty percent in a single day is an impressive mark.

So I told myself, “Maybe I should get closer to him. Open my mind up to the things he does and see the kind of human he really is.” His proposal had been three months old and I hadn’t said anything to him except to ask for more time. One Friday morning, he texted me, “TGIF, if you’re not doing anything this evening, why don’t we hang out?” I responded, “Sure, why not?”

It was 7pm when he called; “Are you ready?” I said, “Where should I meet you?” An hour later, we were both seated face to face in a restaurant at Accra Mall. He asked, “What are you eating?” I answered while looking through the menu. He asked, “What are you drinking?” I answered while looking through the menu.” Some minutes later, food arrived and we both started eating. Again, he was at his humorous best, throwing in compliments here and there. Our night was going well until he brought the proposal up again; “Gifty, tonight di? you have to tell me something ooo. I’ve been waiting for three months, doing everything just to hear you say yes. Today di? make me happy. Make me happy because I’ve tried paa.”

The way he said it was funny so I laughed. I told him, “Yeah you’ve tried. Not many men can stick around as you’ve done. I give you thumbs up.” He asked, “Is that a yes to my proposal?” I said, “Oh how can that be a yes to the proposal?” In my mind, I was saying, “That won’t be the way I will say yes to you. A guy waiting for three months deserves a better yes that ends up in kisses and sparks flying and all.” But he took it the wrong way when I asked, “How can that be a yes to the proposal.” He went quiet for a minute and said, “If you’ll continue to say no to me then who is going to pay for this food and drinks? You think you can continue fleecing me just because I love you?” He called the waiter, took the bill, paid half, and told the waiter, “She’ll pay the rest” and then walked away.

I was stunned. I thought the night was going well? I was only a minute away from saying yes to him, how could he be so impatient and childish? The sad thing was, I had no physical cash on me but thankfully they accepted MoMo so I paid and left. It was late, getting a vendor to withdraw money was hard. For the first time, I questioned a driver’s mate on why they don’t accept MoMo. “Everyone accepts MoMo except you people. Time has gone, you people should upgrade.” Everyone in the trotro was shocked at my behavior but a girl has to get home.

He didn’t call me and I didn’t call him for about a week. One day I posted a photo on Facebook and he was under the post talking as if everything was cool between us. When I didn’t respond to his comment, he called me trying to justify what he did that day; “You can’t treat a guy this way for a whole three months and still expect him not to react. You made me frustrated and there was nothing I could do.” I told him, “If that’s how you react to frustration then I’m happy and feel justified for not accepting your proposal.” He said, “Whatever,” and hung up.

A guy like this, do you think he came because he had good intentions? Do you think if I said yes to him the very first time, the relationship would have lasted for even three months? I believed he pursued me because I was available. He wanted to get me by all means and throw me away after he’s done squeezing the juice off me. Fuck boy. God will deal with him paaa if that was his intention.

—Gifty