There is a story about a past student of one of our public universities. He was very popular because he was tall, physically built, handsome and an outstanding athlete. Naturally, many female students gave him ‘fans’ and were all over him.

One day he decided to capitalise on his popularity by boasting to his friends that he was going to “capture and destroy” a group of “hardcore” female students who were very close friends and showed off everywhere. When his friends told him he couldn’t achieve his goal, he put a bet on it.

Within two months, he had “finished” all the six female students. His plan worked till one day one of the friends caught him red-handed sleeping with her friend. It was then that the others came out to tell their stories.

When asked how he managed it, the guy said he managed to convince each of them to keep the affair very secret. And as intelligent as university students are, all the female students kept the affair secret. Women!

Men and women in secret relationship

Studies show women keep secrets about their relationships more than men. Men use capturing women as ego enhancement and will talk about it. It is also easier for a woman to keep a relationship secret because women have natural ways of covering up their affairs. Fact is men by nature can’t read women as easily as women do to men.

As the Akans put it, men have big eyes but do not see anything! On the other hand, women can read men like they read “ABC’’ because they have intuition that helps them to read their men.

In fact, studies show that if a woman suspects her man is cheating in nine out of 10 cases, she is right. Your woman may pretend and not say anything about your relationship because she wants to keep the peace in the home. But believe or not, she knows everything you do!

Why keep secret relationship

Some get into relationships with married people or a friend’s lover or working colleague. Some are in mismatch relationship with ‘’sugar mummy or daddy’’ and wouldn’t like others to know because he or she knows friends, relatives and society will frown on it.

There are also some cases where someone gets into a relationship but not sure about his or her feelings and intentions. He or she may decide to keep the affair secret till it matures.

In that case, no one gets to know if it does not work and, therefore, does not get a bad image. Some call it rebound relationship.

There are also cases when one goes back to his or her ex and does not want others to know. In some cases, he or she is just a cheat. If he or she keeps the affair secret, he or she can convince you he or she is not taken and has a better chance of winning.

The strategy

He or she finds reasons to convince you on why you have to keep the affair secret. He uses code names on his or her mobile phone. In one case, a girl friend staying at “37” was referred to as “Col. Mensah’’ and the one at Korle Bu was Dr Wilson!

He or she tries to act normal if you are together and he or she sees his or her lover. Sometimes, no introduction is made. And when you suspect him or her, she finds many reasons for why he or she has to be close to the person you suspect.

If he or she is going on a date, he or she says he or she is visiting a close relative or a sick friend. He or she arranges secret places to meet lovers.

The danger

A secret relationship is always a burden because it is hard to keep. You have to lie and keep lying to cover up your secret acts. You remain in hiding and fear that you may be found out. You simply close the door to intimacy and kill your relationship before it matures.

It is also a fact that if you keep your relationship a secret, you close the chances of your friends and relatives giving you honest assessment about crucial issues you may not know about your lover.

For example, you may not know your lover is taken but others may know and hint you if you open up to them.

It also takes emotional energy to keep a secret relationship. It is a fact that constraining closeness undermines commitment. Again, you cannot show appreciation, love and care in the open. This may be detrimental to your overall well-being.

Are you in secret relationship?

If you are in a secret relationship, first evaluate the reasons for it and accept that it may not be for your good. It is, therefore, advisable to leave before you are deeply hurt.

Any good relationship is meant to be revealed to the world as you share the magic of love. Therefore, no relationship is worth hiding. If you have to hide your relationship, then it is not worth having it.