There is only one way to know if your partner is cheating: It is not by thumbing through his/her text messages and emails. To really get down to the truth, you have to ask your spouse directly.

Instead of becoming a detective and snooping through his/her phone, consider talking about it. Let him/her know you can handle the truth and that you believe you can work through anything, as long as there’s honesty.

Some people worry that confronting their partner will force the breakup of their relationship, they hope it will go away on its own but it is often this lack of communication that creates distance in the relationship from the beginning, making it easier for an affair to take place.

Trust your intuition

Ultimately, you should trust your intuition and broach the subject delicately. Too often, we condition ourselves to ignore that tiny voice inside that says something doesn’t feel quite right.

“Don’t lower yourself to snooping through email or text messages, especially if you’re hopeful your relationship can withstand any possible betrayal,” said Stephanie Mintz, a marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles, California.

Resist the temptation to snoop. This would be a total breach of trust and privacy on your part and would make rebuilding that trust much more difficult. Although you may suspect your partner or spouse has already broken the trust, you don’t want to add fuel to the fire.

Good timing

Timing is critical when discussing a subject that is so sensitive. You both need to be in the right frame of mind, so to that end, don’t bring it up at a time when you are both exhausted.

You don’t want this to be rushed and you don’t want to do it before work, when children are around or with an activity to attend to shortly after. Wait for an evening after each of you has had some time to unwind from work or a weekend where you don’t have plans for later on in the day.

Uncomfortable conversation

This is bound to be an uncomfortable conversation. You may want to begin the talk by acknowledging how uneasy it makes you.

Let your partner know that you have some uneasy feelings and need him or her to help you sort through them. Then go ahead and let your partner know what you are suspicious of or what caused your uneasiness.

Let your partner know that when you feel uneasy or have an intuition, you owe it to yourself to check it out. By bringing it up, you are educating your partner that you have integrity.