Making people value and respect you, especially the guy you have been crushing on, takes a bit more work than jumping up and down, saying, “Pick me! Pick me!”

There is a bunch of silly advice out there that involves tricking guys into falling for a version of you that does not exist. If you really want him to see you for who you are and value you immensely, you need to be what he does not know he needs.

Sounds difficult, right?

Some people call this the “save the day” method. I call shenanigans. Saving people is great and all, but you are not a Wonder Woman. Do not overextend yourself for someone, even when you are trying to make them see what you can deliver. That leads to a bizarre game of give-and-take, where he takes everything and you receive nothing in return. So, if you really want him to respect and value you, do the following:

Be comfortable in your own skin

Men are attracted to women who not only have confidence but pride in who they are, where they are from, and what they have done. Confidence is so much more than dressing a certain way. When you can humbly and intelligently piece together conversation, he will value you more, because of the insight and quality of discussion you can provide.

Confidence in your skills for fixing tires or cooking ethnic food, for example, is also something he will find interesting and of value. By the way, if he is not interested in real, stimulating conversation, I guarantee you that he is only looking for booty.

Provide solutions, not blame

This is a trick that works with everyone. People do not like listening to complaints. Ever. Men do not like women who endlessly rant about something that happened to them half a week ago. To them, you look petty and bigoted. So, instead of laying blame on others, you need to first learn how to actively accept responsibility for your own muck ups. Second, you need to be able to solve problems – your own and his.

Understand what he needs

I am not talking about sex or money or anything like that. Men and women both want meaningful relationships with people they can trust. Whether he realizes it yet or not, you can be that person he turns to in the rainstorm and knows you will have an umbrella to shelter him. Also, you need to understand what drives him, what his likes and dislikes are, and remember that information. Ultimately, his personality will drive his desires.

Earn value by giving value

By giving respect to him and those around him, you show that you too are worthy of respect. Give him kindness, even if he has yet to return that kindness on the same level. Just remember that you cannot win everyone over, but being arrogant only worsens the chances of him respecting you.

Another way this works is to figure out one thing he does well, like making you laugh. Next time you see him, say, “Hey, I was wondering if you had any new jokes? You always make me laugh, and I really need to laugh right now.” This will strike him because, one, not many people might actually understand his style of humor, and two, you see worth in one of his hobbies.

Keep your word

Think about how many broken promises you have encountered throughout the years and how bummed you were to be on the affected end. When you say you are going to do something for him, like let him borrow a book, follow through with it. Not only will it surprise him, but it shows you keep up the end of the bargain. Eventually, he will see value in your honesty and devotion to being a good companion.

Value and respect are two main drivers in forming up lasting, healthy relationships. You always want a man that sees your worth as a human being, and who respects your abilities. Sometimes, guys need an extra push in the right direction, but by doing these five actions, you will be the ray of light in his sight in no time.