I have a rather controversial subject to tackle. LOL. I would like to make it clear from the start that I am merely giving my opinions on this contentious subject.

So! Here it goes. I personally have a love hate relationship with sex toys. Well, should I say it depends on the toy in question perhaps? I do not mind some handcuffs every now and then. A blindfold to spice things up never hurts. There was a point in time when I became enamored with a fantasy door swing. I felt that I had to incorporate it someway, somehow otherwise I was not going to achieve the full satisfaction that I craved. You got it, I had some pretty wild times! Pretend not that you didn’t either. Y’all got a little freak in you just waiting to come out and play :).

Most men are cool with some of the toys until female only toys like the Magic Wand or the Shaker are introduced. If the Magic Wand or Shaker has been a part of your sex arsenal, you will know that introducing your partner to the trusted “friend” can be very awkward. It can be equated to introducing your new man to an ex that he knows you never really got over. Talk of a jealousy-inducing encounter!

Introducing a sex toy into a sexual routine can elicit certain anxieties and insecurities in some men, myself included. “Is it going to replace me?” most of us will wonder. The level of insecurities reach a peak when the Magic Wand or Shaker is way bigger that what is packed down in the oven. Unfortunately our Maker did not fashion us with the ability to vibrate. How on earth can we compete?!

I recently had the honor of having dinner with an interracial couple. The lady was Ghanaian and her husband , Caucasian. They told me a story about the biggest fight they had in their marriage. It goes that after he relented and allowed her to introduce a Shaker into their sex life, she went out on her own and bought one. Needless to say that when she whisked it out for his approval, the color matched her skin tone, aside from the fact that it was bigger that what he had to offer. I laughed so hard that his feathers got ruffled. As part of trading stories, I told them about how I used to steal the batteries from my ex’s Shaker when I had to leave her alone at home. And I hated the sight of batteries during this point in time!

(Side Rant) Is it asking for too much if our Maker gave all men a menu of sizes to order from before we come out of the womb?

“Yo, Almighty! Can I have a 9 inch curved one with some extra thickness please?”

But Nah, one gets what He gives with absolutely no choice in the matter. If He didn’t do you the honor of being generously endowed, you have to work with what you got. I wish more women recognized that we did not have a choice in this matter. Unlike them, we do not have the option to pack silicon in our wands to alter their sizes. A sad reality but hey, I digress.

Here is the deal. We live in a world presently where Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele from Fifty Shades of Grey are out there reminding us that it is not enough to just make love anymore. We live in a world where sex is supposed to involve all kinds of really weird and wacky things. We are supposed to be creative and introduce other “things” to spice up our sex life. We also live in a world where a single woman, or any woman for that matter, can pleasure herself fully with Magic wands and Shakers. Female sex toys are here to stay.

Most men like myself, have an open mind about female sex toys being introduced in the bedroom. Most in society view the use of a Magic Wand or a Shaker as a solo activity. While this view is true, it is not always accurate. Most couples are becoming more comfortable using female sex toys together. A significant percentage of women rarely have an orgasm during sex therefore, there are some obvious advantages to using a Magic Wand or a Shaker during sex. That said, most women must know that there are three key thoughts that creep into the mind of most men when you have a Magic Wand or a Shaker.

Are you using your Magic Wand and Shaker frequently when I am not around?

Am I getting lost in your space because your Shaker occupies more real estate than I do?

Am I being replaced by a device?

If you think your partner is going to be nervous or reject your suggestion of using a Magic Wand or a Shaker, don’t pop it out immediately in the beginning. Start by broaching the topic little by little in non-sexual scenarios. Do not present it as an all or nothing proposition. Nothing feels more like sexual pressure than a partner who says, “I can’t get off without my Shaker.”

You may have to tackle the fear your partner may have about you secretly using your Magic Wand or Shaker without him. If you have to use it without him, it is best be open with it and let him know. Discuss your rationale and figure out a path forward together. He may still not like it but at least he is aware. I dated a girl once and crushingly found out 6 months later that she was still using her Shaker. Prior to dating, she had been single for two years and had become addicted to her Shaker. The discovery was quite devastating and eventually led to a break up.

Relying on the Magic Wand or Shaker when apart, draws from the closeness that sex can bring. There is a real hidden danger in becoming addicted to your toys but that is a whole new can of worms for a different blog.

Using a Magic Wand or a Shaker when single is totally fine. By all means, have fun! However, when in a relationship, one has to be cognizance of that fact that sex is not supposed to be just about the needs of one partner . It supposed to be about both needs together. Incorporating sex toys every now and then to spice things up is perfectly fine. Should there be an over reliance on sex toys however, it will begin to feel more like using each other rather than sharing that experience together.

A Shaker or Magic Wand will never be a substitute for having great sex with an actual human being. Think of your Magic Wand or Shaker not as a replacement, but as a supplement to your awesome (not true in all cases) sex life.