Extra marital affair or cheating is the situation where a person engages in an intimate affair with someone else besides his/her partner. In other words, it is a situation where a partner has a lover outside his/her matrimonial home aside his wife or her husband.

These extra relationships have their own positive and negative aspects that sometimes make us incredibly happy, make us feel lucky and excited, or nervous, disappointed or ashamed.

Usually, it might not be an already planned activity if it is not the partner’s character. It normally starts when things get out of hand in the marriage. When challenges surface in the marital home, lust for extra partner is likely to develop.

Such affairs aren’t always fun; they are normally accompanied by a lot of risk. People may have good reasons for wanting to have affairs but in the end it can and normally does cause a lot of discomfort and guilt.

Possible Causes:

Many things cause people to cheat in marriage, however, we would list the strong six (6) of the causes and explain them. These strong six (6) possible causes of extra marital affair or cheating are:

Lack of Self-Control (Lust):

Self-control, is the ability to manage yourself from things that could taint or destroy your reputation. In this context, it refers to the ability to control your sexual desire for a person other than your spouse (wife/husband).

Some people have a difficulty of controlling their lust towards the opposite sex. These people find it difficult to stick to one partner because they lack the control and therefore when they get married they find themselves having extra marital affairs. Others also date and have sex with a lot of ladies or guys and become addicted to multiple partner relationship.

This behaviour would not help you to control your lust for other ladies/guys when you get married. Such people are likely to be fed up with their wives or husbands.

At a point in time in their marriage life, they get fed up with “eating from one bowl” as people say and as a result would try finding new or additional bowl(s) other than what they have. They therefore engage themselves in extra marital affair which in a short or long term, brings them a lot of trouble.

A Nagging Partner:

A person who complains and shouts at his/her partner almost all the time and always sees something wrong with anything the partner does is a nagger. A person like that indirectly drives his/her partner out of the home; the partner as a result sticks to anyone who would accept, appreciate and comfort him/her.

Even a very patient and God-fearing partner with time will get fed up being with you and try to find comfort elsewhere which eventually leads to external affair. Though there might be some challenges in the marital home, please learn how to handle them without hurting each other; shouting, fighting, beating or insulting; is not the best way to deal with marital issues.

Greediness (discontent):

A greedy/discontent person is someone who always wants more than he/she actually need. There are some people who are never satisfied with what they have or how well they are treated and will still cheat in their quest to get their emotional or material satisfaction that they want. If you are such a person, you are likely to have a relationship outside your marriage.

Some people are so discontent with their own so much that they are easily drawn to people who are more attractive than their partners and want to have them for themselves. In addition, people who are so much desirous for money and gifts from the opposite sex are vulnerable when it comes to having extra marital affairs or cheating.

Lack of Communication (Comm. Gap):

Communication is the pillar or bedrock of every relationship. Remember that how you constructed your vocabulary and communicated to your partner in the beginning was a major factor in establishing your relationship. The absence of good communication in the relationship would mar it and your partner would not be happy being around you and may prefer being with another partner.

If you do not learn to communicate well with your partner, you might scare him/her away and lose him/her to another. I am not talking about being untruthful to your partner by telling him/her lies as a basis of communication but discussing all kinds of issues: jokes, football, fantasies, sharing stories, poems, playing hide & seek, Ludo, dam, anything to freshen the relationship than lies and gossips.

Poor Hygiene:

At the early stages of a relationship a lot of people try as much as possible to keep their body and surrounding hygienic enough. After securing the relationship, they tend to ignore that part of them and do things haphazardly. Nobody feels comfortable around people who have body odour and for this reason everyone has to do all in their power to maintain good personal hygiene. Remember that, your partner has to enjoy your company to the very best.

Have you realized how you talk about the guy’s sweet smelling perfume? The lady whose smell always attracts you? Okay, having realized the above. Remember that a bad odour scares people away but a clean and hygienic body is sweet and attractive to have.

Insufficient Sexual Satisfaction:

Sexual intercourse is a very useful activity that builds a strong bond of unity in a relationship. In the early stages of the relationship, sex drives a lot of things but remember also that how you start it is how you must continue it. As a man, you must ensure that your woman achieve orgasm before you ejaculate.

If you ejaculate before the woman, you leave her in the middle of the enjoyment and cause her to feel uncomfortable. She will gradually not enjoy having sex with you but enjoy sex outside (with someone who can do it better).

Women must also take active part in the sexual intercourse. Wives must not deny their husbands sex; they must direct the man where they feel the intensity and ask about that of the man and also help the man control his ejaculation by engaging him in a conversation whiles they enjoy the sexual intercourse in order to get the maximum satisfaction out of it. If you fail to satisfy each other sexually, you push your partner to seek external satisfaction.

…..to be continued….

By: Counsellor Benjamin Effah Werehene