Leila Djansi shared her opinion on the Moesha-CNN brouhaha some days ago after a statement was issued by the Gender Ministry, lashing Moesha on those comments she passed on the network. Leila Djansi opined that any woman who was married and not working was not better than Moesha.

After she made that statement, musician and NPP sympathizer Kwame A Plus attacked her in a Facebook post and likened her brain size to that of the clitoris of a mosquito. A-Plus’s argument is that if a woman is married and not even working, taking care of the home was work and that it was wrong for Leila to have likened an unemployed married woman to Moesha.

Leila Djansi has written a ‘thesis’ to defend her stance and explain her earlier statement. According to Leila, its wrong to go into marriage with an intention that you want to be taken care of by a man and is advocating for women to be dependent before going into marriage.

Leila argues that even if one has the brain size of an elephant, would be able to tell that her earlier statement was based solely on ‘dependency’

“My submission was solely based on dependency. Any person with the brain the size of an elephant or a giant sequoia would know that. Yes. Pun intended.”--A portion of her post read

She cited a real-life example where a friend of hers right after high school got into marriage just because she wanted a man to take care of her and the consequences her friend faced when the man died five years later leaving her with kids to take care of, and there she was with no skills and no work, making life difficult for the kids.

I’ve had lots of friends who right after high school, run into marriage for security. Today, some of them are struggling. Husbands died, husbands got sick, husbands left them, husbands lost their means of income and each of these friends are saddled with children. It’s heartbreaking!

One of my best friends, Tina, sells wares in Ho market, heck, every market around Ho. Right after school decided she wanted to marry for security. We begged her. Nope. She married. 5 years and 2 boys later, husband developed a back problem and lost his job. It’s been moving from one uncompleted house to another. Her sons selling onions in the market under the hot sun. Completely denying 7 and 10 year old boys of their childhood.

In a way, Leila has a valid point and we agree with her. When you get into marriage with a particular purpose or intention and something goes wrong, then what becomes of you?

Marriage experts will tell you not to enter marriage for what you can get, but what you can GIVE.

Don’t enter marriage because you want your husband to pay the bills and cater for you. Don’t enter marriage because you want someone to cook and clean for you.

Because, what if the money dries up? What will you do? What if she develops a debilitating disease? Who then cooks and cleans?

Read Leila’s full post on her Facebook page below:

Being Ghanaian is very challenging sometimes. Living in the public eye is even worse. No matter how much you try to extricate yourself from it, it finds you, like creeping elder, annoyingly follows you everywhere. You wake up in the morning and every chicken in the compound will chase you. The madmen will remove your towel from the shower stall. Chase em and you’re no different.

But, I gotta say this since I do not want to be misconstrued by many women who are housewives. A position under appreciated and mostly unrewarded in African culture.

Thanks to Moesha and Christina Amanpour for starting this fiery conversation. All week has been Leila Djansi headlines over again. So I said this:(paraphrased) “stop condoning the practice of sending women into marriage whether they are financially sound or not! If you are a woman without a job and cannot fully afford your bills and you enter marriage not so you can have/be a partner, but so the husband can ‘foot the bills’ you are no different. You can’t be condemning this young lady and at the same time condemn the clarion call for self sufficient women.”

Read carefully the meaning. The devil is in the detail. “If you decide to go into marriage because you want to depend on someone else to take care of you.”

Please understand that properly. The key word here is dependency. Moesha depends on men. Married man or otherwise is none of my business. After all, we’re African and polygamy is within the fabric of our culture. (Or? Are we only African when it comes to duties of the woman?).

My submission was solely based on dependency. Any person with the brain the size of an elephant or a giant sequoia would know that. Yes. Pun intended.

Marriage experts will tell you not to enter marriage for what you can get, but what you can GIVE. Don’t enter marriage because you want your husband to pay the bills and cater for you. Don’t enter marriage because you want someone to cook and clean for you.

Because, what if the money dries up? What will you do? What if she develops a debilitating disease? Who then cooks and cleans?

I’ve had lots of friends who right after high school, run into marriage for security. Today, some of them are struggling. Husbands died, husbands got sick, husbands left them, husbands lost their means of income and each of these friends are saddled with children. It’s heartbreaking!

One of my best friends, Tina, sells wares in Ho market, heck, every market around Ho. Right after school decided she wanted to marry for security. We begged her. Nope. She married. 5 years and 2 boys later, husband developed a back problem and lost his job. It’s been moving from one uncompleted house to another. Her sons selling onions in the market under the hot sun. Completely denying 7 and 10 year old boys of their childhood.

That’s just one example of many. Many.

My father had stroke for 15 years. Oh my goodness!! If my mother had not returned to school to undergo a physician Assistant program in endocrinology, which gave her run of the diabetic clinic in Ho, only God knows if we’d have completed our education. We’d have starved cos my fathers family sat on all his property. When he died, he left nothing but an uncompleted house. I share this because we run into marriage and relationships thinking it’s the ultimate security. It is not! Things can change. Your union is secure if you both are economically sound and you plan together! Savings, life insurance, job security, social security, pension plans. It’s not all about cooking and cleaning and bearing children.

I am not against housewives and I’ve always said my day dream is to be a farmers wife in Vermont. Oh, that tranquility! But if you are raising the kids and keeping the home, yet have to ask your husband for housekeeping money, then you are not independent. If something happens to him, the money is in HIS account. How much is in yours? Do you have a joint account? Do you have a say on how he manages the money he makes for the home?

If the arrangement is you keep the home and raise the children and he provides the resources, then YOU that’s keeping the home should manage those resources. After all, why is he earning money? Is it not for the job you’re doing? Keeping the home and raising the kids?

Every Christmas I travel rural Ghana meeting families. I don’t speak out of turn. Every submission I make is from a place of experience. Talking to people, experiencing their condition. During our children’s Christmas parties, I pay close attention to the dishes the kids hold out. Somehow, intuitively, from each dish held out, you know who comes from a home where the mother is allowed to speak.

Enough with the vitriolic and vulgar articulations when someone shares an opinion different from yours. You can’t have all the answers.