A LETTER TO THE CHINESE PRESIDENT A Concerned Citizen The President PR of China

Your Excellency Xi Jinping,

AN INVITATION TO BECOME GHANA'S PRESIDENT.

It appears by now the disgraceful act by our parliament to purchase some weak chairs from your country at the expense of the local industry in defiance of the President's directive for Made In Ghana goods has made clear, our admiration for anything Chinese. It is in the light of this admiration for Chinese products that I humbly write to you to reciprocate our kind gesture by accepting to be our president – don't worry about Mahama, he enjoys travelling more than his job. So, so far as we keep him busy with ECOWAS travels and others he wouldn't be a problem. Mr president do not worry about Ghanaians acceptability too, because these are people who like anything with an inscription "made in China" despite the rather low quality demonstrated by your people over the years.

And Sir forget about the little skirmishes that we've over the years had with some of your people here in Ghana. We all know they are not proper Chinese. On countless occasions they have tried to play on our admiration and respect for white people to dupe, cheat and enjoy our women on top, but you and I know they are not white men. They are a bunch of diminutive little - eyed men with a strange language.

Well let me not digress, besides I don't even have enough space to complain about all the mess your people are causing in our country from galamsey to sex abuse among others. Sir I need you to accept to be our president and I know most Ghanaians are with me on that. Clearly for some reasons Ghanaians have this unrepentant love for anything Chinese.

So strong is the love that the Ghanaian legislature will ignore the president's appeal for a "Made In Ghana" consumption policy. Right now it appears that from Apotoyewa (earthenware pot) through to Bentoa (syringe ball) to korowaba (Chamber pots), T Roll, Sanitary Pad, to the noisy mobile phones ( China phones) etc everything is from China, not to forget these low quality chairs ( Now even Naa Toshie is breaking them so what will happen if Antie Vick is offered one to sit on, Ah well never mind ) It appears the only thing we lack now is you, a Chinese president to make the set be complete.

Mr President I know definitely some of our corrupt politicians and public officials will not like this idea due to your record with dealing with that canker. We have heard stories of the numerous people mostly top politicians who have been hanged in your country because of corruption. Here it is not like that ooooooooo!!!!!!. Hmmmm Mr TRO (refer to Sarkodie's Inflation song) has made it a point to demonstrate his commitment to fighting corruption only by word of mouth. This has become a cliché in almost all his public addresses. Normally after a lengthy speech with lots of promises – his lack of distinction between campaign time and real business though – he would end with his favorite quote "my government is committed to fighting the corruption that has plagued this country". May I add that if you miss that in any presidential speech, two things should come to mind, it's either you are not in Ghana or there's been a coup d'etat. Yet a certain man called Alfred Woyome still holds about 51million Ghana cedis for no job done. SUBA, SADA, GYEEDA, (make no mistake, this is no rhyme for a rap track) they are just a few of the numerous " create, loot and share " incidences in this country. Perhaps if you accept to be President it wouldn't only be the poor Abuga Pele in court but the numerous big untouchable guys and financiers of the ruling party ( I do not imply Zoomlion and rlG).

Sir we have everything in this world, you can ask those crooks from your country, is it Gold, Diamond, Manganese, Cocoa etc and I trust you watch the news, we have oil now. And so if you leave China for Ghana the only thing you will miss is the 1billion worth of noisy people and the dark polluted clouds of Beijing. So you see? Well I was taught in Basic school that formal letters should be brief and concise so I won't go any further. I pray you

Sir, to accept our offer because if this craze for Chinese products continue, only God knows what our parliamentarians will be buying next from your country, it might be you yourself so why not come voluntarily then.

?? Xièxiè (thank you)

Yours faithfully, Concerned Citizen Karim.