Whether it is about transforming into reptilian mammals, the indiscriminate vending of water and oil, prophesying to stabilise currencies, paedophilia, the bathing of nude women and terrorism in God’s name, religion continues to be dealt fatal blows by the self-styled clergy and their fanatics. But no religion seems to have taken this knockback harder than Christianity due to the pervasive duplicity for personal gains inherent in it as opposed to its acclaimed enterprise—salvation.

The deceptions of centuries of yore when alchemists swindled the gullible and the clergy amassed silver and gold in exchange for penance have been morphed into other techniques with the same trickery and specious miracles all presented to fool the many credulous, underpinning the fact of there being nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9). The perverted misuse of the Bible and the name of God for personal advancement remind me of Chaucer’s “Pardoner’s Tale”. The pardoner epitomises modern pastors insofar as they are enigmatic and grotesque preachers of virtue who practise vice. It is worthy to note that the use of false credentials of high-ranking religious titles, the selling of bogus relics believed to possess miraculous powers is not a twenty-first-century phenomenon!

Practising the sort of sacred science which discounts everything in favour of riches, the pardoner “cite[s] scripture for his purpose” that greed is the root of all evils. He admits that his immoral antics have made him rich through fleecing people although he damns avarice. His aim has never been about the correction of sins or salvation; he does not mind stinging people with his tongue if they offend him. He scorns the thought of living in poverty while he preaches and though he can tell a didactic tale, he only desires money and won’t mind its source even if it means taking it from a widow and her starving children.

Dear reader, do these descriptions paint any picture you may have seen before? Need I relate the pardoner’s ways to those of the holy-water-selling pastors; their fake miracles designed to hoodwink their congregants to relieve them of their moneys through endless summons to sow seeds for prosperity? Do I need to stress the worldly possessions they have although they proclaim wealth represents vanity? How thoughtful of these same godly folks who declare how evil it is to be rich, always arguing that the Christ was Himself a pauper! I believe we have all heard the oft-misquoted camel through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God.

However, it is the pardoner’s theme of radix malorum est cupiditas (greed is the root of all evils) which is the significant bit. For, therein lie the nauseous marvels of avarice, covetousness and debauchery; prosperity preaching and its attendant seed-sowing requests led by its swashbuckling preachers. This singularity was palpably illustrated in a television programme entitled “Miracles for Sale”—I invite readers to watch it on YouTube—by the British mentalist and illusionist, Derren Brown. Here, evangelical faith healers’ psychological and sociological methods, hypnotisms, cold readings and misdirection were all exposed. With the uncovering of the stock in trade of these impostor-clergymen; suddenly, the spiritual cure of blindness and deafness is no longer extraordinary. Likewise, the power of the adrenaline which makes you think your arthritis and backache have been cured is laid bare to the chagrin of both believers and sceptics! When that crook mentions your name randomly and your prayer request, remember he’s being smart with uncanny subterfuge: someone is reading it off the card you were asked to fill earlier or months before the rumbustious church service!

The above cheap trick (done to the ignominy of God’s name) did not happen in Nigeria or Ghana; it was being magnificently employed in Texas in the United States of America! Incidentally, the US happens to have the most millionaire-pastors whose pomp-and-pageantry lives can only be rivalled by those dreamed in the Arabian Nights and not the sackcloth-and-sandal-wearing prophets as depicted in the Bible. And like the Shakespearean villain with a smiling cheek, citing scripture for his purpose and producing holy witnesses, these scoundrels are able—armed with their usual inexpensive sophistry—to comb the Bible for various verses which they skew to support their misdeeds.

Yet, the despondency in all this is when the duped poor also either quote scriptures to justify their pastors’ cunning ways and their opulent lifestyles or the rather sad consolation of doing what the preachers say and not what they do. Oh what an equivocation of proclaiming Christ but doing what He scolded the Pharisees and Sadducees for practising! Equally distressing is the feeling of knowing the truth, and ignoring it when it stares all us of out of countenance. In reality, what is preached these days is nothing short of heresy—a capital crime for which these so-called pastors would have been hanged or burnt at the stake were we to go back to the days of the Roman Inquisition!

Therefore, let these pastors turn into snakes and leopards; let them engage in their debauches; let them sell holy water and claim to heal the sick although we are yet to see an amputated leg/hand grow back in full public view; let them promise us heaven in place of hell on this earth but “as ye sow so shall ye reap” and invitations to “cast your bread upon the waters” should not be taken in the literal sense! In prompting the Christ’s admonition that “by their fruits, ye shall know them”, (thanks to His prophetic clairvoyance), I’d like to reiterate that no amount of money can purchase God’s blessings or salvation. Let’s all help put a definite stop to the systematic and manipulative exploitation of the masses. May those who enrich themselves at the expense of the poor in the name of God have a special place in hell!

Thomas Dickens (yesiah2003@yahoo.com)/www.thomasdickens.blogspot.com.