MILLS: But we do. Trust us. If Mills tells you he cares for you, he means it.

GHANABA: Then show us.

MILLS: Have I not sent my second in command to speak on my behalf? Yes, John Mahama is my boy. He goes where I send him”

GHANABA: This! I care for you is something oo? We hardly see you oo. And when you make any appearance, it is just for a short while.

MILLS: Yes, you know, I am being prepared for the great day. And as you know, if a king is to be enstooled, he is kept in confinement for a certain number of days. Yes, I am the king in waiting. My own is going to be an imperial reign. That is why I am holed up in my home region. I am being taken through the customs and cultural practices of the Fantis. It is the turn of the Fantis. You see, the Akims, the Akuapems and Asantes are one. They have had their turn and it is now time for the Fantis. Vote for Mills and all your problems will be over. This is because he cares for you.

GHANABA: But sir, if you care for us, why is it that your wives are not part of the campaign team.

MILLS: Oh no, leave the women out. You see, in the traditional African Society, women were relegated to the back ground. I am a typical African to the core, and I must conform to our tradition.

GHANABA: But sir, where is your wife?

MILLS: You mean Naadu? At home, of course! Where did you expect to see her?

GHANABA: By your side, sir.

MILLS: This job I have undertaken for myself is not for the chicken-hearted. A woman by my side will weaken my resolve. You see, I am a disciple of Zuza and I must be seen to be acting the script. Infact, the day Naadu went to the market, [was it Kaneshie or Agblogbloshie?] Never mind. She complained of headache here, stomach ache there and many other ailments. Infact, I couldn’t sleep that night. I wish I had my child with us that night.

GHANABA: Which child are you talking about, Sir? Mills: The one I had with Esi Mansah and didn’t acknowledge at first. But after much pressure, I had to formally go for him. But the greatest regret is that, I sent him to stay with my sister instead of bringing him home. But did I have a choice? Naadu literally refused to accept him into our home. But the day she went to the market on a campaign trip, she realized that she was mistaken in her decision. For John Mahama’s wife don’t ask me about her. John is here. Ask him yourself. Do the same to Ama Benyiwa Doe.

GHANABA: But the wives of all the antelopes have joined their husbands on their campaign trip. The women have organized themselves into groups and are sending strong signals to indicate that the NPP really cares for us.

MILLS: Hey stop there! You are lucky we are not in power. Infact, count yourself lucky that the Criminal Libel Law has been repealed. Just count yourself lucky. Infact, I am in a very good mood, otherwise, I would have put your name in our black book. Do you know what happens to all those whose names happen to enter our black book? Well, I will tell you. They disappear. At best, they are given identification marks. But I have not decided whether to forgive you or sanction you. When we come to power, we shall not forgive them. Kufuor, Akufo Addo, dem dem. Their names are in our black list. Zuza wants me to act tough, and I intend to do just that. There are moments I have to shout, curse, shove, threaten and then assuage their feelings with the “I care for you” message. You see I don’t want Zuza to have different thoughts about me. It was he who pulled me out of the dungeon of obscurity into limelight

GHANABA: But wait a minute. Where is Zuza by the way?

MILLS: Beside his wife. Both of them are threatening fire and brimstone upon the people.

GHANABA: But sir, why don’t you ask your wife to join you on your campaign trips! What about the wife of the person who is running after you.

MILLS: What do you mean by “running after me?

GHANABA: O sir, I mean your Deputy or Running Mate.

MILLS: O ye men of little faith. You mean John Mahama’s wife?

GHANABA: Yes, that is exactly what I mean. We don’t see your wife; neither do we see John Mahama’s. What about Spio Garba? The people are yearning to see the husband of Ama Benyiwa Doe. But where at all is the man? I bet you, her husband, if indeed she has one, will be suffering oo?

MILLS: Stop it! Just hold it over there. Are you voting for me or my wife? I have told you I am an African to the core. What do you want to see my wife for? Is she the one who is going to administer this country? Mrs. Naadu went on a campaign tour of which of the markets is at Agblogbloshie or Kaneshie? Never mind. But she went anyway. After that came with a litany of problems. Swollen leg, cramps in her legs, splitting headache and all the ailments you can think of. I decided there and then, to leave to leave her out. Period!

GHANABA: But the wife of your main opponent. Nana, the schemer is leading a horde of wives of those contested the little on their campaign trips. But not the NDC

MILLS: Hey, stop there! You are lucky the Criminal Libel law has been repeated. I am letting you off the hook because I am in a very light mood. Even then, I haven’t decided whether I should let matters stand as they are. I hope Zuza doesn’t get to know of this, for I cannot predict what his reaction will be. I hope you have said nothing on this to any newspaper man.

GHANABA: No sir, I am only trying to help. You see, women are supposed to be so loving and caring. They act as a balm to soothe our pain. People are talking. They are asking why your wives do not accompany you when you go deliver your “I care message”. We don’t see your wife, neither John Mahama’s, or the wives of the Northern Mafia, the Fante Confederation and the Dzolukope Mafia. The only women we see during your campaign tours are Nana Konadu and Ama Benyiwa Doe. People say that even though they are women, yet they are macho in their actions and utterances.

MILLS: What are you implying?

GHANABA: They are wicked and don’t care about, us the homeless and the defenseless.

MILLS: How can people say that?

GHANABA: Please, ask them yourself but don’t go there without your wives. If you do care for us, we want to hear your women talk to us as the elephants are doing.

MILLS: But we do care. At least I do. And so is Zuza. You see what he is doing to ensure the success of the umbrella?

GHANABA: But why is he carrying himself as if he were the stranger who cries more than the chief mourner?

MILLS: You should by now have known the sort of person Zuza is. He does things with a passion. And he cannot bear to see Akufo-Addo as President of his own Ghana. He, like Kofi Koomson cannot sleep with his eyes closed. And so he has to do all within his power to ensure that the scenario does not arise.

GHANABA: Does it have to include insults and deceits?

MILLS: Who is talking about insults? Has Zuza insulted anybody? What is wrong with calling Akufo-Addo a short man? After all, isn’t he a short man? Zuza prefers calling a spade a spade to calling it something else.

GHANABA: So do you support his calling Akufo-Addo a short man and Kufuor a thief?

MILLS: O ye men of little faith. How long will it take you to realize that Zuza plus Mills equals one? We are one indivisible entity. He is my mentor. How can I detach myself from him? Without Rawlings, where do you think Mills could be? Nowhere! “Nowhere!” I repeat. And that is why I promised to consult him every second of the minute. Don’t you see how he has taken ever the whole campaign as if his entire life depended on it? There is the Akan Proverb which says “Benkum guare nifa na nifa nso aguare benkum” (The left hand baths the right and vice versa. You see what I mean? In my moment of weakness, Zuza has come to my assistance. I must confess that I am a “bit down in health”. What the okro- mouthed MP from the Krobo area said is the truth. But how could I admit it publicly. Zuza will have none of that. And so I have to carry on the cross by campaigning under this condition.

GHANABA: Why don’t you give up?

MILLS: Give up? No, they will silence me permanently if I throw in the towel. You don’t know Zuza and his Jezebel. They are wic..ed ed. They are forcing me to run one mile while I can only go two hundred meters.

GHANABA: Then, let me take you to a hiding place where they cannot touch you.

MILLS: Where can I hide? The dungeon will bring me up to the surface. The sea will not entertain me. There is no hiding place for me. I have followed Zuza and his philosophy and see where it has led me. Look at Kwabena Agyei, look at Asiedu Nketia, look at Twumasi Appiah and look at myself. At first, I used to be a “choppy nice figure.” But look at me and my colleagues. Why we are getting emaciated whilst Zuza gets “puffier” and fatter each day. But do you remember how he looked like when he first imposed himself on Ghanaians? Isn’t it a sad spectacle that I should exchange my “choppy stature” and in return get that of Zuza when he first appeared on the political scene?

Fellow Ghanaians, do not be deceived. The “I care message” of Mills and Zuza is nothing but an attempt to deceive Ghanaians. It is all political gimmicks. Just ask the NDC top gurus. “Where are your wives?” The answer you get will shatter your hopes and aspirations. Ghanaians, “Shine your eyes” very well, and vote wisely.

Do not be deceived for God is not mocked. A man reapeth whatever he soweth. Nana Addo Dankwa Akufo Addo and the NPP All The Way!

Daniel Danquah Damptey Danieldanquah_damptey@yahoo.com 0243715297