Because of our refusal to admit our shortcomings, which are a necessary precursor for societal reformation, our society seems to be on a constant retrogression. Indeed, truth hurts so bad in our Motherland that people dread telling the truth. Well, that is why we need to constantly look into the African glory and so today, the writer brings you more intrigues from our Motherland.

When you hear the expression “the police are investigating the matter and will soon get to the bottom of the matter,” know that nothing will come out of that investigation.

In Ghana, the police normally use live bullets in crowd control and so in case you find yourself among a crowd and the police are called in, please run for your dear life lest, you risk being a casualty of police warning shots.

In Ghana, locals are not supposed to mine their own gold, so if a citizen dares engage in artisanal mining, you risk being called a ‘galamsey’ miner – meaning an illegal miner. Only foreign companies are allowed to go into gold mining in the country. Shows how Ghanaians love themselves!

Do you also know that it is a taboo for a Ghanaian to coach the national soccer team? Check this out! If a Ghanaian of the repute of Marcel Desailly (Odenke Abbey) applies to coach the Stars, he is told by the football association that he does not qualify (he is black!), but a dismissed league five Serbian coach is paid US$25,000 per month to handle our Essien and his friends. Just watch out for who gets named the Stars’ coach by end of this month.

The phrase ‘affordability’ in the Ghanaian context means, that price which can be afforded by only high flying individuals (especially those with political clout).

If you want to see the Head of State, just bleach your skin, because every light-skinned person can see the Head of State while he hardly has time to sit down with any local recognisable group except those affiliated to his political party.

We hardly achieve anything excellent, so if our National Soccer Team (Black Stars) gets to the 1/16th stage at the World Cup, we decorate them with the highest honour of the land. So if the Stars win the World Cup (excellent), you can just imagine what sort of honour we are going to bestow on them.

In Ghana, a Christian name simply means your first English name, because according to our own indoctrinated minds, our indigenous names do qualify as Christian names.

We love titles in Ghana. So the title ‘Honourable’ is taken by anybody who holds any public office, from a local committee member to Members of Parliament (MPs).

In Ghana traffic lights are meant for aesthetics only. If you care to know, just visit Accra one of these days. The traffic lights never work! So the police are always stationed around the poles (traffic lights), which are of course, only erected to make the streets very beautiful. It’s also widely held that there are presently three ways to becoming an instant millionaire in our Motherland. These are armed robbery, the drugs trade and politics!

In Ghana, the economy is always on track, but in reality nothing gets done. If you doubt this one, just count the number of factories there was by the late 1950s and compare it to how many the nation currently has and you’d appreciate what I mean!

Although a hotel is an establishment that provides paid lodging, usually on a short-term basis, in our Motherland, a hotel is generally regarded as a brothel.

More compilations are coming your way soon.

By Kwabena Mprah Jnr

Email: kmprah@gmail.com