When Ghanaian politicians and other public officials become overwhelmed by demands of their jobs, they often resort to, sometimes meaningless rhetoric to confuse the people. This writer has studied the Ghanaian political dictionary over a period and brings you some excerpts from the rich lexicon of our Motherland.

If the police say they are investigating a crime, it means that they are trying very hard to cover up so that those culpable are not brought to book.

If the police are detailed to guard your residence, relocate ASAP because they are likely to give inventory of your estate to armed robbers.

When the police stop you on the road, simply give them some money because if you don’t, they will process you for court.

If politicians have no clue to a problem, they simply call for a national debate.

If members of government are confronted with their failure, what they do is to blame it on the opposition.

The expression ‘it is in the pipeline’ means that we have not thought about it.

It is in on the drawing board means that we are going to think about it.

Plans are far advanced means that nothing is being done about the issue.

Government will set up a committee means that government does not want to be disgraced so it will find a few friends who will sit down, drink a lot of tea and come out with what the people already know.

Any time you hear a government appointee say government will never do such a thing means that government has actually done it.

If you hear a minister say government will consider it, then know that they have just been reminded but it is actually not part of the policies and plans of the government.

In Ghana and Africa in general, elections are only credible if the opposition wins. But elections won by the incumbent are credible only when the state is a proxy of the imperialist.

National security means the security of the regime together with the safety of its relations and hangers-on.

Ministries are a place where nothing gets done without an envelope exchanging hands.

When the economy is fine, it is due to prudent government policies but when there is economic recession, it is due to external factors out of the control of the government. If you are a government official, friends and other relations take care of the education of your children abroad, because government officials are not supposed to look after their own children.

An investor is any person with light skin.

Government spokespersons are a group of friends and relations who jump from one platform to the other speaking on every issue they know nothing or very little about.

No wonder a writer once said in Ghana 1 + 1 = 3.

By Kwabena Mprah Jnr Email: attafynn@gmail.com