When Groomers Sleeps with Dogs, They Catch Fleas: Ken Dapaah’s Near Encounter With Rectal Water-Boarding

Today’s satirical composition will discuss the near strip-search on Mr. Ken Dapaah, Ghana’s Defence Minister, at Nairobi’s Jomo Kenyatta Airport. The attempted search was within realm of fairness, and should have taken place without delay, and conducted in plainview of a female attorney. Apparently, our dear Minister of Defence couldn’t have resisted the Dr. Panie-Anane “Sisi-Mudin” Syndrome and could have caused another economic loss of US$ 90,000 to the state in child support payments. In years to come, Ghana should expect the subjection of our ministers to demeaning bodily searches at foreign airports.
In Post-September 11 climate, a political designation is no longer accorded the respect it deserves. To tell the world that you are Ghana’s Defence Minister is no immunity against bodily searches, and the “do-you-know-me” self-importance we see among Ghanaian politicians. When he was arrested, the Honourable Amoateng invoked his diplomatic immunity, only to the mocked by the US Drug Enforcement Agents. Contrary to what the partisan flock believes, it is common knowledge within international circles that Ghanaian politicians are not moralists, but acquisitionists, and playboys, who use unorthodox methods to make a buck to tuck the duck in a muck like a puck.
Since the beginning of 2001, we have seen some of the world’s weak(est) nations disrespect(ed) Ghana. This inter-state contempt can easily be explained without examining one’s spongy brain for answers. In 2003, an unknown number of Ghanaian Diplomatic Passports disappeared in thin air from the nation’s Foreign Affairs Ministry. The question that eluded the inquisitive minds of Ghanaians was; how could one of the nation’s priciest assets, which are usually kept in secured vaults at the Bank of Ghana, find their way into the trunk of “osono-kurudu” without any detection until they landed on the laps of passport racketeers? Maybe, the cyber-arsonist can cull some newspaper articles to breathe life into Obenewaa’s dead brain. Nkontonpo anansesemtuo ene aban mu enim guasie.
The Office of the nation’s State Protocol is an adjunct criminal department. This subdivision is an enabler in the burgeoning visa fraud that is currently plaguing the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. It is a known fact that certain Ghanaian ministers add the names of their family members and girl friends to the names of government officials applying for foreign visas. It comes as no surprise to me that given his diminutive physique, and a connection-man demeanour, the Kenyan authorities might have mistaken Mr. Dapaah for one of the visa add-ons who could help the (Kenyan) Police with their intelligence gathering on the extent of visa fraud in Ghana. After all, Kenya is a hub for fraudulent documents, which explains why the country continues to attract foreign terrorists and Islamic mercenaries.
In the aftermath of September 11 2001, we have heard the Ghanaian government made one of the most bizarre claims that, the Ghanaian Passport is one of the most secured documents on the face of the earth. As part of his trademark joke, Mr. Hackman Agyemang, the then Foreign Minister said that the Ghanaian passport was computerized, and fraud-proof. When did data entry become an insurance against passport fraud? Our nation’s democracy, we are told, is well-suited for twenty-first century technological innovation. According to the Holy Verses of the Osono Party Chapter 1 v. 2, “Ye Be Ma Mo Ahunu Difference No Paa.” Well, we have seen enough of a difference which makes no difference at all in the lives of many Ghanaians.
The nation was also told by Mr. Hackman Agyemang that the Ghanaian passport has biometric properties which made it impossible for criminals to duplicate. To the Kenyan authorities, the opposite is true. Nigerians have easy access to Ghanaian passports. Matter of fact, certain Nigerians have become issuing authorities of Ghanaian passports. In some cases, Nigerian passport contractors can issue a Ghanaian passport faster than Ghana’s Passport Office if only the applicant is ready to pay in dollars. These Nigerian contractors work hand-in-hand with their local Ghanaian service providers at the nation’s Passport Office.
Despite the existence of laws that prohibit, and criminalize, the issuance of Diplomatic and Service passports to ineligible citizens, some Ghanaians whose family members have close connections to the centre of power travel on Service Passports. Not only do these individuals travel on these documents, they also receive the privileges that are reserved exclusively for holders of this travel document. In Ghana, the ineligible holders of this document are treated as Very Important Personalities. There are confirmed cases where some of these individuals are whisked through the VIP Lounge at Kotoka International Airport and driven away by “big men” without ever going through the formalities at Immigration and/or Customs.
There is a cause to every human action and the principal reason for Mr. Dapaah near search can be traced to his short years in office as the Interior Minister. Under Mr. Ken Dapaah, the nation saw a politicized Police Service. Mr. Dapaah was also an accessory to the government’s campaigns to window-dress Kofi Boakye narco-saga. While there were many pressing concerns about the moral character of the current Inspector General of Police, Mr. Patrick Kwarteng Acheampong about his alleged friendship with Alhaji Issah Abbas, what he (i.e. the IGP) knew about the mysterious disappearance of the cocaine, and whether certain senior police officers were involved, Mr. Dapaah shrugged off the public’s concerns as inconsequential. Well, the Kenyans saw things differently.
Instead of punishing the police officers whose depositions before the narco-investigation committee was extremely disturbing, if not incriminating, these officers were transferred from Accra to take the focus away from certain powerful backers whose alleged involvement in the narco-saga is still murky, and required an exhaustive investigation. By refusing to make public the investigative findings in Justice Wood’s Report, Mr. Dapaah dishonoured the fundamental principles that govern institutional transparency. Conveniently, and for reasons known to him and some of the faceless actors in the administration, the Report was classified as “Top Secret,” and placed outside the visual purview of the Ghanaian public.
The arrest and trial of Mr. Amoateng in the United States for cocaine trafficking, and efforts by the Ghanaian government to play down his arrest could have played a part in Mr. Ken Dapaah’s near encounter with rectal exploration, which the Kenyan Immigration is notorious for. Who knows what areas, and organs, could have been examined, and/or measured as part of Mr. Dapaah’s comprehensive bodily search under Kenya’s New Terrorism Act? After all, this is a country whose leadership, according to Ngugi W’a Thiongo, can hardly delineate fiction from facts, and would not hesitate to arrest any citizen whose name some similarity with an imaginary character in an invented subversion.
The Ghanaian government should save the nation from the distress of having some of our respected ministers undergo forcible colonoscopy at international airports, on suspicion of carrying narcotics, which our dearest minister will never do. The government can reverse the damage to our international reputation by toughening our narco-laws and verifiably punish the increasing decadence in our nation’s politics. In post-September 11 climate where emphasis is placed on iron-clad secrecy, some of our ministers who have criminal past must be shown the door to save the innocent Mr. Ken Dapaahs from becoming sacrificial lambs, and who knows where? Not in Singapore or Saudi Arabia, I pray. Not even the Prisoner’s Exchange/Extradition Law can save our minister’s neck from the oriental noose or the Ali Baba’s curvilinear sword.
I hope this incident will not become another “nkaibo” for “kwasida ayeyie asori” to thank the Almighty God for saving our Minister of Defence, the Honourable Mr. Ken Dapaah from a near rectal water-boarding? Maybe, our president can use his legal expertise as an Oxford-trained lawyer to bring a case against the Kenyans at the International Court of Justice for violating the Geneva Convention.” We are not a serious nation. Are we? Hope all is well. Good day and cheers.