From ‘Kelewele’ to Exotic Weekends in Abuja- Legon ladies why

Introduction

Scaling through the educational system in Ghana from the basic to tertiary level was no mean feat and all the gallant students who have made it through must be commended. This educational journey was a very long and winding one that sapped the energy of many and the weaklings fell along the way. This tortuous journey required sacrifices and self denials like becoming a self style eunuch to avoid the temptation of falling for the nectar flowing between the thighs of ladies. Not every student will like to take an oath of celibacy at such a youthful age when the hormones are very volatile though. These hormones could push any guy to the brinks and that was what they did to Amon a former mate at St Augustine’s College. He bore the scars of his stupidity till this day.

As if it was deliberate Cape Coast happens to have some of the best single sex schools in the country. A visit to any of the girls’ schools littered among the green Ogua hills could send shivers down the spines of any student and that was what happened to Amon. He failed to heed to the advice of Asuo (former Augusco head master) that we should avoid those pretty girls like bribery and corruption. Asuo used to sermonise on the importance of burning the midnight oil in order to enjoy and achieve in the future. According him those pretty things will be seducing you themselves when you become successful in life. What a genius he was?

The cotton streets of Legon

Some of the daring guys refused to listen to Asuo and sunk their fangs deep into the nectar and yet came out unscathed. These were the guys who took so much delight in being called ‘dadabas’ and flaunt their wealth around so recklessly. It is only an idiot like Amon who will follow such guys to Wey Gey Hey campus when WAEC was sounding the war drums. When he knew their parents will fly them to schools abroad even if they get ‘lotto numbers’ as results when he (Amon) will find it very difficult to cool it off at Legon.

Cooling it off at Legon wasn’t bad at all because it is one of the finest educational institutions one can ever imagine. It’s a city of its own and has a very serene atmosphere that gives every student a sense of belonging. Admissions into Legon are very competitive and it’s virtually impossible to enter through the back door without making the grades. Great was the joy of some us when we had the opportunity to walk the cotton streets of this city and also had a feel of the Prometheus flame that burns within it walls perpetually.

The kelewele popping ladies

The battle had been won and the first part of the journey through warped passage of life had been subdued. Every fresh student at Legon had to go through the initiation of ponding as way of a welcome to life on campus. Commonwealth hall guys (the vandals) had to go through a second initiation to be introduced to the teachings of father Bacchus. During this second re-birth the vandals will be cautioned to be wary of the Kelewele popping girls living next door. Any guy who knows his only means of survival on campus was the student loans must avoid kelewele the business. Those who cannot survive a full semester without unzipping their trousers should start descending the hills to Okponglo and other surrounding towns to look for the ‘exte white shoes’

Life on Legon campus

Life on campus was a bit of a tug of war because resources were always over stretched. Water for instance was an essential commodity in most of the halls particularly Commonwealth hall (the vandal city). Students had to carry water cans every morning to the botanical gardens to get some water for bathing. It was so humiliating carrying water buckets at the full glare of the Volta hall chicks. Some uncouth ones will be making lewd jokes at you. There were some angelic ones who will take your bucket over the wall and filled it with water from their reservoirs and save you the woes of trekking to the tap at N Block.

Majority of the students adopted austerity measures to survive on campus. For instance students developed appetite for yo ke gari (gari and beans). They did not credit the ‘yo ke gari’ as was the case of JJ Rawlings though. They boiled it on makeshift electric stoves that consumed so much energy. Beans cooking became a huge phenomenon among students. There was even a debate as to whether students in Commonwealth eat more beans that Akuaffo Hall. In the end it was agreed Akuaffo hall guys were champion beans eaters.

Beside beans students depended largely on cooked food seller at Central café and Bush ‘K’. The guys in the vandal city were so blessed to have Daavi bringing banku directly to their doorsteps. In the evenings you will see the future leaders sitting on the floors of any available space at the Bacchus gardens shoving balls of the stuff down their throats. It was desperate situation for students as some even had to take Azumah kooko (porridge) for supper because they can’t afford Daavi’s banku.

Kelewele to exotic weekends in Abuja

During those times a ‘little kelewele’ was all you need to have a good time with any of the sweet ladies on campus. As time went on the ladies revised the list to include fried rice, chicken and chips and pizza and vandals were quickly knocked off the radar. The softies at Legon hall monopolised the kelewele trade because they have the dollar bills to melt. Bills they earned in America for cleaning jobs during summer vacations.

All these were decades ago. Now some Legon ladies on campus have suddenly come to realise there is more to life beyond the world of kelewele so some are going for the kill. The rich Nigerian business moguls, the 419 crooks and Sakawa madmen are flying these ladies to exotic weekends in plush hotels in Abuja for proper rollicking. These moguls have stolen the show from the Legon hall softies because the cleaning is no longer bringing enough dollar bills as the world is in recession. Most companies in Europe and America are folding up so services of ‘international cleaners’ are no longer required.

There are even rumours some of these ladies are working as escorts for rich politicians and businessmen. They have register or left their business cards at some of the top hotels in town. All it takes is a single call for any boring corrupt politician or sakawa lunatic to have one of these niceties into bed. Why Legon ladies why? We need in the research laboratories to help us find a vaccination for malaria and not at posh hotels of Abuja please.

Conclusion

On the whole life on Legon was quite good. Apart from lectures there were some very interesting activities that kept the soul alive. For instance there were the vandals’ dawn processions which took place at ungodly hours of the wee morning. During these procession the devotees of father Bacchus led by their chief priest sung all the profane songs in this world as they marched from hall to hall. The songs usually became steamer as the procession approached Volta hall and one would wonder why. Well that was our way of compensating for our inability to buy kelewele.

Francis Kwaku Egu, UK Kwakuhull@yahoo.com