Countrymen and women, loyalists and opponents,
join me in thanking the German Chancellor for his magnanimous endorsement of my candidature. I don’t know why he wants me to be re-elected to occupy the Black Star Stool. Perhaps he just wanted to cheer me up after he noticed that I was not in the least enthused by his inability to communicate with me in English. I am told that the man speaks some English but he chose to speak to me through an interpreter. It didn’t make for convivial presidential discourse at all. Simply put, I was very bored and, at the Banquet Hall, I couldn’t help but allow my eyes to feast on some of the beautiful women who accompanied the Chancellor. So I was almost taken unawares when Herr Shroeder made it known that he would like to see me occupying the Black Star Stool for four more years. You see, even the Chancellor has felt the effects of the excellent presidential touches I have introduced in the affairs of our country and he would like to see the continuity of the change (positive or negative, depending on where you stand).