Countrymen and women, loyalists and opponents election 2008 is gradually taking shape. I can’t believe that in just about 12 months, I will be packing out of office. Time really flies when you are having fun... and the fun is even better when you are not the one paying for it. I will really miss the presidency and all the perks that come with it. But, as they say, “all good things must come to end”; so when the time comes, I will willingly hand over to whoever the good people of this country choose to succeed me.

With each passing day, I am constantly reminded that my final presidential days are well nigh. A few weeks ago, the PNC elected Eddie Hamama as their presidential candidate. That day was a very sad one for me. I was expecting the PNC to realise that Hamama wouldn’t take them anywhere; he has contested in every election since 1996 and he’s always placed third. He’s such a loser. But the PNC still wants him to be their candidate. Who am I to complain if the PNC is content with being a party of losers? All I can say is that I am very certain that I will not be handing the Black Star stool room keys to Hamama. Just a few days ago, countrymen and women, my heart was so gladdened when delegates of the Confused People’s Party (CPP) showed that they might not be so confused after all. Meeting in Kumasi, the delegates voted a wise, visionary, intelligent and reasonable man to be their presidential candidate.

If you remember, a few weeks ago I wrote a letter in which I stated that the CPP contest will be straight fight between Prof. Akosa and Paa Kwesi. I will not pretend to be a prophet but my little ‘prophecy’ came true. Paa Kwesi won convincingly, closely followed by the professor who enjoys cutting dead bodies. Let me express my heartfelt gratitude to the CPP delegates for rejecting Comfort Aggudey and showing him that his place is not among reasonable and responsible men who aspire for the highest office of the land.

I also thank the delegates for selecting Paa Kwesi because I know that with him in the race, Sikaman will see a serious contest next year – far better than the one Aggudey took part in. By completely disposing of the party’s old executive and electing a new one, the CPP delegates have also shown that they want the party to be taken seriously and that they are ready play a major role in Sikaman politics. Those who have ears have heard and those who have eyes have seen. My only advice is that they should keep the momentum going and give the NDC and NPP a good contest. As I keep saying, a strong, united and well-organised CPP is good for democracy in Sikaman and so I look forward to the party’s resurgence.

So now, the NDC has a candidate in Asomdehene Tata Mills (is he alright, by the way? I hear all these rumours that his lungs are rupturing), the CPP has a candidate in Paa Kwesi Nfinfim and the PNC has a candidate (ahem! indeed) in Dr. Eddie Hamama. The question now is this: who will my party’s candidate be?

Well, following the disqualification of Captain Destiny, we still have 17 men running. Let me say that I do not understand why the party’s vetting committee decided against all good judgment to disqualify Captain Destiny. The poor guy (who has been struggling to complete his “mansion” in Kasoa) managed somehow (only he knows how) to raise 25,000GHC to pay the filing fees for a contest he knew he had very little chance of winning. He also reportedly spent about 500,000 GHC (or 5 billion cedis) on his campaign tours. Then suddenly the vetting committee (without any mercy for a poor guy) says he cannot take part because he tried to stage a coup more than 20 years ago. Now he’s demanding his money back and we are even lucky that he’s somewhat of a reasonable man and has decided not to sue the party. He’s demanding his money though – the 25000 GHC filing fee, that is. I think the wisest thing for the party to do is to refund the money to him without any of the bureaucratic crap I’ve heard the party chairman speak about.

Even with Captain Destiny disqualified there are 17 candidates in the race. That’s such a huge number. It’s a testimony to our party’s democratic credentials, isn’t it? It is also a very good indication of how some people (who had absolutely nothing or very little) a few years ago have managed to ‘fatten’ their financial muscles so much so that they are able to participate in a contest that demands a lot of hefty cash commitments. I heard the NDC’s General Mosquito describing the candidates as a bunch of “17 thieves”. That’s a serious allegation. But I’ve also heard representatives of the candidates demanding an apology and a retraction from the Mosquito man. I hope the back-and-forth doesn’t continue for long. I believe in the candidates but, in this case, I will say that the onus lies on the candidates to prove to General Mosquito and the citizens of Sikaman that they are not thieves. They should simply come out publicly to tell us how they all got their monies. Most of them claim that they are being funded by friends who believe in their visions. All well and good. We will like to know who those friends are. Are they drug dealers or genuine businessmen or pan latrine carriers? Are they people who, by virtue of their financial contributions, will make unreasonable demands of our next president?

I know that the candidates are too busy rounding up their campaigns that they may not have time to answer any of these questions. I hope that when the contest ends and after the gnashing of teeth is over, we will be able to go back to the question of how they got all their monies from. Citizens need to know and we need to put General Mosquito to shame!

There’s only one candidate whose source of funding I know. He’s Alan K. Many people say I support him. Let me end the speculation here and now. Yeah! He has my backing. I believe that if he comes to power, he’d let me run my hotel business in peace and he wouldn’t withdraw my privileges. I support him. But he’s not my candidate of choice. The man I would well and truly love to see win this contest is Prof. Frempong Boateng. What a great guy he is. He is very humane, intelligent, ambitious and, above all, unselfish. He will make one hell of a fine and caring president. Unfortunately, he can’t win this contest. You know why? It’s because he’s not a politician – he can’t lie (he says it as he sees it), he doesn’t delight in putting square pegs in round holes and he cares too much for everyone. People like this do not win in politics.

So since Prof. Frempong Boateng can’t win, I have no choice than to back Alan K. He’s the guy I’d like to hand over to because he supervised some of my failed initiatives and I need him to make sure that those initiatives become lasting legacies for future generations. But the decision is not for me to make. The delegates will decide on Saturday. From where I stand it’s going to be an interesting contest between and Akuffo Addo and Danny B will provide the stiffest competition for Alan K.

Forget about that man who thinks he’s been an apprentice long enough to be ‘master’. He’s been a very bad apprentice (did you know that he couldn’t even run the hajj pilgrimage?) and I won’t just hand over to him like that. Forget also about that man who was given a portfolio to beautify Accra and did absolutely nothing to justify his pay. Forget about the man who claims to have done magic by taking the Black Stars to the football World Cup, where they won only one match, drew one and lost another; forget about my former spokesman – he’s ‘too known’ and too arrogant to be a statesman. Forget about that ambassador who has deserted his post in Asia to come down to participate in the contest. Delegates will not vote for my brother because our democracy doesn’t need a dynasty at this time.

I’ve been informed that Papa Owusu has been on a weeklong fast to seek divine intervention. Can anyone close to him please make it clear to him that the Old Man above doesn’t care one hoot whether he eats or not. If he wins, I will fast for two weeks and I will ban myself from travelling abroad for one month.

Tell Manhack that the party appreciates that he donated his house for us to use as a drinking spot. But that doesn’t make him presidential material. If Manhack wins, I will build a brick-making factory for the party – it won’t be bad at all for ‘internally generated’ funds. As for the other candidates – Akrapu, Prof. Nikanika, Agyarko, Arthur K and Owusu Agyapong – the least said about them the better. I have a strong feeling that they know they’ve lost already.

Excellently yours,
J. A. Fukuor
fukuor@gmail.com