We are not by any means, that is, going by the title of this article, equating President Mahama’s controversial Ford Explore or Ford Expedition gift with the exquisitely beautiful, multitalented, gorgeous, intelligent and gracious university professor, producer, writer, actress and dance, Dr. Clarice Ford-Kulah.

But, sure enough, some do actually refer to their cars as “babies.”

Having said that, the name “Ford” happens to be there in the title by sheer coincidence, an ironic happenstance beyond our immediate means of control or manipulation.

Of course, such an equation could be construed by some as sexually objectifying Madam Ford!

Even so both “Fords” are at the center of two major controversies, one in national politics and the other in the entertainment industry.

Yet we may also have to add for emphasis that marriage and entertainment are, by themselves, two nuanced or subtle forms of politics.

President Mahama is fighting for his political life and the integrity of the presidency behind the scenes, while Clarice Ford is fighting for her marriage and her integrity as a wife and a mother.

The opposition NPP has dared President Mahama to come clean on the scandalous controversy, even to apologize for it, while Madam Ford’s husband, Dr. Bartum Kulah, has threatened to expose his wife’s alleged adulterous, amorous affair with Van Vicker in a series of videos.

Both the Office of the Presidency and Madam Ford have vehemently denied any wrongdoing, with some elements within the former daring the opposition NPP to impeach the president within a seven-day ultimatum and with the latter challenging her “estranged” husband to release the said incriminating videos.

Dr. Bartum by his grandstanding accusations, namely his charges of conjugal infidelity against the wife, may actually be reducing the totality of the corporeal universe of his wife to the “black hole” of theoretical physics, as he can neither claim to be Stephen Hawking or Albert Einstein.

Dr. Bartum cannot afford to sing the chorus for Tupac’s “All About You” to his wife, the Ghanaian politician:

“Everywhere I go, its all about the groupie hoes…Every other city we go, I see the same hoes…”

Indeed, the average Ghanaian politician is a bitchy “hoe” and the ruling class “groupie hoes”!

And like rapper Tupac’s misogynistic track, the average thieving, kleptomaniacal and unpatriotic Ghanaian politician wants the world to revolve around him, “All About You,” an indictment of Ghana’s misunderstanding political morality particularly in line with this Professor Kwesi Yankah’s observation:

“What did Limann have?...Look at what you can imagine is happening in Ghana now?...We have abandoned a commitment to self-denial in leadership. We have put a much big emphasis on ‘what can I benefit as an individual’…

“We just run our mouth and run the nation without funding these on principles…It sounds as if when people are appointed they are so busy there is no time for thinking…We think without thinking, we can act rationally.”

Oh yes, Prof. Yankah missed it all, the point of it all. The Ghanaian does not go into politics as a monk or a nun. He or she goes there as an unconscionable, unrepentant, wicked, or recidivistic rapist, a pedophile!

It is sad, though, when men like him, Prof. Yankah, remember the patriotic days of the Great Osagyefo Dr. Kwame Nkrumah, “Africa’s Man of the Millennium.”

“I miss patriotism,” says the professor.

No wonder Pastor Mensa Otabil recently cited Nkrumah as “one of the best generational leaders Africa had.”

And Prof. Yankah is the President of Pastor Mensah Otabil’s Central University.

Nevertheless, President Mahama’s “Ford” baby is a Pandora’s box of scandalous controversies:

The vehicle in question, Expedition or Explorer? Even Djibril Kanazoe is also Gibril Kanazoe?

Madam Ford, an adulterous prostitute or a professional?

The Ford, brand new or secondhand, secondhand as in Peter Tosh’s “Brand New Second Hand”?

The physical and financial worth of the Ford?

Is the illusive “Ford” Madam Lordina’s legitimate “baby,” the president’s actual seed or an “illegitimate” child-gift from nowhere?

Whatever the surname of the vehicle in question, the bleached Bukom Banku is on a sacred expedition exploring ways of ensuring that President Mahama’s mandate is retained come November 7, 2016, and also that the movie “Skinned,” produced by Madam Ford, earns wider patronage or viewership and with this, the latter, commercial success.

Bukom Banku is now the Cindy Crawford of Nigeria’s Rex Lawson’s and Ghana’s Kofi Sammy’s sensational hit, “Yellow Sissi,” Madam Ford’s “Skinned” which she and Van Vicker are allegedly promoting now.

A sensational movie whose storyline is based on a queer script, of bleaching, just as some greasy okro-mouths in Ghana are accusing President Mahama’s wife, First Lady Lordina, of bleaching!

Why is the opposition NPP refusing to bleach the Ford Explorer or Ford Expedition in order to render it anew for the sake of Peter Tosh’s “Brand New Second Hand Girl…”?

But what has Bukom Banku got to do with all these? Perhaps he is the ceremonial marriage referee here:

Maybe he could advice Dr. Bartum Kulah, Madam Ford’s “estranged” beau, to divorce his wife and marry First Lady Lordina instead.

But, truth be said, First Lady Lordina is already mad at her beau.

Why?

Because, as she put recently, her beau added his secondhand Ford, Peter Tosh’s “Brand New Second Hand Girl…,” to his presidential brothel of largely nymphomaniac girlfriends without her knowledge.

First Lady Lordina is already talking to her divorce attorneys and once the divorce issue is settled, President Mahama will finally have the golden opportunity he has always been looking for, to marry his secret lovers:

Akua Donkor’s Freedom Party (FP)…

Kwesi Addae’s United Progress Party (UPP)…

Kofi Wayo’s now-defunct United Renaissance Party (URP)…

No doubt the nymphomaniac politician and sacred lover boy, President Mahama, the Lion of Gonja knows every single word of Atlantic Starr’s international hit “Secret Lovers”…

Yet President Mahama’s marriage to Kofi Wayo’s URP and Kwesi Addae’s UPP makes him, technically, a political gay…a kind of political sexuality which his own Christian political brother Dr. Edward Mahama, the presidential candidate of the People’s National Convention (PNC), seems to frown upon yet does not also seem to frown upon, a moral ambiguity or equivocation of sorts, for he says thusly: “I am in bed with and love my colleague political homosexuals because I also want to become the next president not matter what, even if this policy decision means thumbing his nose at his personal ethos.”

Critics of President Mahama call him “a political gay”…which may partly explain the political controversy involving Gibril Kanazoe and the president…Yet “a political gay” is far from “a political homosexual”…the latter is Machiavellian and dodgy, more like the chameleonic Ford…Explorer…Expedition…Ford SUVs…Dr. Mahama will love all these varieties nonetheless.

How about Andrew Solomon? Do we recall President Mahama’s closet admiration for and infatuation with the sophisticated writer Andrew Solomon, the world-famous LGBT activist?

Solomon is hidden somewhere in that controversial secondhand Ford, the same hideout for Madam Ford and her gigolo actor, Van Vicker, yet Solomon is Gibril Kanazoe in political disguise…a Trojan Horse!

What the president needs at this point in time is a ménage-a-trio with his…

Or listening to Jon Germain’s “Threesome”…

Unfortunately, the president’s newly-found closet open marriage with Peter Tosh’s “Brand New Second Hand Girl…,” the unbleached secondhand Ford will not allow this…Our phallocentric politics is against open marriage of this sort…The patriarchal oppression in Ghanaian duopoly…

The unisex Ford puts the president’s political celibacy into question…It also questions the president’s:

Highly politicized sexual agency of possible official misconduct, malfeasance if you will;

His moral promiscuity;

His long-distance amorous relationships with the likes of male Burkinabes;

His fiduciary responsibility to the state and its subjects…to his own extramarital sexual relationship with the male Burkinabe!

Then also, is President Mahama implying that by accepting or being in Atlantic Starr’s “Secret Lovers” with Peter Tosh’s “Brand New Second Hand…Ford,” whether Expedition of Explorer, he is also saying that Shaggy’s and Rikrok’s “It Wasn’t Me” is a better alibi than Marvin Gaye’s “Sexual Healing”?

What about Shaggy’s “Strength of a Woman” then?

No…no…no…Unlike Van Vicker’s Clarice Ford, both the opposition NPP and President Mahama prefer Rex Omar’s “Abiba” ” to Shagy’s “Strength of a Woman”!

Shaggy’s merely threatens to expose the stinking rot behind that mysterious secondhand girl or woman Ford, the Explorer or the Expedition with a going price of $100,000, $70,000…$0.

This maybe why the ruling party, President Mahama’s NDC wishes the opposition changes the tune to Bob Marley’s “She is Gone.”

This will never happen because the opposition NPP prefers its national anthem, Shatta Wale’s “Womaami Twe,” to “She is Gone.”

The NPP is a party of swinging polygamists or partner swappers, the NDC the same…Resentment, jealousy, and insecurity are killing both parties…Shadenfreude politics.

There is also no doubt that President Mahama is a social monogamist though the opposition NPP wants to paint him as a political philanderer in a kleptomaniacal duopoly…Here is the president’s own cautious take on the “Ford Gift” controversy, so-called:

“The allegation of corruption is baseless. Baseless accusations won’t win you the Presidency. Ghanaians are discerning and I believe come November 7, they will make their decision.”

Nah…nah…nah…the opposition NPP is also saying President Mahama is an angelic thief of the wolf-in-sheep’s-clothing type…And the incumbent NDC is also branding Akufo-Addo a wolf-in-sheep’s-clothing character of the angelic-thief type.

The other non-establishment parties, on the other hand, are also saying both Akufo-Addo and President Mahama are spitting images of the Devil, the god of unpatriotic.

But also the opposition NPP wants to ask President Mahama whether the “Ford,” Van Vicker’s eh…eh…eh…could be Bob Marley’s “Is This Love”? One wonders what Madam Ford’s husband has got to say about this Ford Expedition or Ford Explorer controversy. Listen to him:

“I really have evidence to show that he [Van Vicker] is sleeping with my wife and even warned my wife on that but still they are doing it.”

Doing what, L.L. Cool J’s “Doing It”?

He continues:

“This is a shame to Gollywood/Nollywood actor, Van Vicker sleeping with people wives as he has married too.

“This is part one I will bring all the pictures, videos, I mean all the evidence out, if they refuse to stop, especially Van Vicker.

“I have been married to my wife for long years with two children, but she does not care about the children, all she knows is traveling with Van Vicker.”

Replace “I” with Ghana’s ruling class, “my wife” with Ghana, “children” with Ghanaians, Van Vicker with “begging bowls” and we arrive at Ghana’s predicament, which puts us in a position to sympathize with Dr. Bartum and his jeremiad! Madam Clarice’s husband says elsewhere:

“My wife will deny the accusations and claim to be Van Vicker’s manager and business partner, that’s what she always says, it’s all a cover up, and I’ve caught them at a hotel twice…”

Yet Madam Ford dismisses out of hand these Manasseh-Azure-Awuni videos her husband promises to show the world, proving her alleged sexual escapades with Van Vicker. Hear her in her own words:

“In response to the recent rumors trending on the internet concerning Van Vicker and me, none of it is true. Neither Van nor I would do such a thing.

“We both have families that we love and care about dearly. Van and I have worked together professionally and as a family for over five years and have never encountered such nonsense and accusations.

“My husband has security issues due to an accident that has completely interrupted his life. He has been harassing all of my male friends, including pastors, ministers, and deacons for years and I chose to ignore.

“However, this accusation is too ridiculous for me to ignore because it is in the public domain. Further, it is my understanding that my husband is going through some type of medical crisis.

“I will be returning to the US to deal with this situation…I assure everyone that there is no such evidence of any sort to back up these baseless claims by mu husband.

“Whatever pictures and videos he says he can produce will be of us going in and out of events premises, pick-ups and drop-offs; none of these pictures or videos will be compromising in any way. Again, I am asking that these rumors be put to rest. Van Vicker is my client and ‘family.’”

What has the opposition NPP got to say in response to NDC’s Madam Ford’s rebuttal to her husband, the opposition NPP?

It appears, then, that Madam Ford and her husband are behaving in a duopolistic marriage as the NPP and the NDC are known for, especially their needless and reckless politics of equalization!

Yet, we also have to submit that for respectability to return to the presidency and some modicum of peace to reign in the body politic, George Orwell’s “Animal Farm,” President Mahama must do the right thing, if the “facts” in the public domain are true, and return the brand new secondhand Ford to Van Vicker so that he, the latter, can also return it to its rightful owner, Madam Clarice’s husband.

The fact is that Van Vicker cannot pretend to hide behind the President’s Code of Ethics for Political Appointees while at the same breaking the fragile heart of the beleaguered opposition NPP, who openly and easily passes off as Madam Clarice’s “estranged” bitter, nagging husband.

Moreover, Ghana’s economy is already wobbling precipitously and no one wants to see Madam Clarice’s husband’s medical crisis aggravate it.

But, Madam Clarice’s husband can no longer hide behind the “stolen identity” of Gibril Kanazoe, the alleged Burkinabe at the heart of the Ford Gift controversy, for that “heart” in question rightfully belongs to the former, namely Madam Clarice’s husband. This nagging “heart” is threatening to tear the body politic into smithereens.

We should, nevertheless, have to submit that Bukom Banku, a mentally challenged pugilistic believer in a strange Trinitarian theology encompassing President Mahama, Shatta Wale and Ghana’s Chief Imam Osmanu Nuhu Sharubutu, is a liar in that none of his brothel of wives encouraged him to bleach.

Certainly, one of his wives happens to be the same Madam Clarice’s troubled husband, who has suddenly if surprisingly seen fit to issue another statement retracting or recalling his earlier rebukes of his wife after Bukom Banko successfully appealed to his fractured conscience in a video where he, Bukom Banku, was seen sandwiched between and fondling the childlike breasts of much younger versions of Victoria Hamah and Dzifa Attivor. Read Madam Clarice’s politically schizophrenic beau:

“The media misconstrued my statement and therefore misquoted me…I have no evidence (pictures nor videos) to prove that Van Vicker is having an affair with my wife. It was an empty threat…I allowed my misunderstanding of a genuine professional relationship and jealousy to get the better of me.”

It was wrong for Madam Clarice’s deeply troubled husband to have permitted the impulsive Kennedy Agyapong to inhabit his body…spirit possession…via the partisan political romance of astral projection, Apostle Kwadwo Safo’s and therianthropic Bishop Obinim’s main medium of communication with a deistic otherworldly universe, the same chameleonic Ford spaceship on which Bishop Duncan-Williams divorced his wife then married Rosa Whitaker and prayed against the Cedi’s gravitational depreciation, but with Pastor Mensa Otabil rejecting this hypocritical Ford and convincingly acknowledging that Nkrumah was “one of the best generational leaders Africa had” we know, now, that we are making some progress in rehabilitating Nkrumah’s legacy in the dying minority voice of his critics, professional enemies and detractors…now look at him, the barking and nagging beau Madam Clarice calls husband?

There are definitely going to be internet memes and trolls about and on him…Thanks to Bukom Banku anyway for a well-executed task of successfully convincing the man to do the right thing!

Yet, there is no way we will ever forgive Bukom Banku for his bleached façade and his Kennedy-Agyapong-esque by-heart talk as the divisiveness of Ghana’s partisan duopoly and Shadenfreude politics will not permit it! “To err is human,” some say, “but to forgive is to endorse bleaching!” Let us therefore leave Madam Clarice’s “Skinned” to do the rest of the political talking!

As a matter of fact, finally, he, Bukom Banko, stole his bootleg yellow-sissi-dey-for-corner skin-appearance from First Lady Lordina and Van Vicker’s half-caste complexion, Madam Clarice’s salty honey. It is behind this neocolonial bootleg yellow-sissi-dey-for-corner kind of political and ideological complexion that both parties, made up primarily of diabolical greedy bastards, lurk and perpetrate their chain of unpatriotic heinous crimes against the people of Ghana in high places.

And as if that was not enough, Bukom Banko’s unconvincing, unpromising boxing career correctly predicted that President Mahama’s high praise for Oumarou Kanazoe Contractors Limited’s engineering roadwork would eventually turn into a “negative” funeral eulogy for the very roads whose construction Kanazoe undertook.

Now, true to Bukom Banku’s prophetic words, these roads have turned into dangerous potholes of political lies, official misconduct, inter-partisan accusations and counter-accusations, and political acrimonies! No wonder the opposition NPP is relying heavily on the potholes of political lies to unseat President Mahama, namely to force First Lady Lordina, an expression of popular sovereignty, out of her “troubled” marriage with her husband come November 7, 2016.

The president, on the other hand, says the potholes of political lies are the figment of the opposition NPP’s imagination and fantasy as well as acquired burial grounds for the opposition come November 7, 2016. We live to see how this romantic prophesy of the President pans out!

REFERENCES

Ghanaweb. “I’M Not Having An Affair With Van Vicker…Dr. Clarice Ford-Kulah.” June 15, 2016.

Ghanaweb. “Van Vicker Is Sleeping With My Wife…Married Man Cries.” June 16, 2016.

Ghanaweb. “I Miss Patriotism…Prof. Yankah.” June 21, 2016.

Ghanaweb. “Corruption Allegation Against Me Baseless…Mahama.” June 22, 2016.

Ghanaweb. “I Love Homosexuals…Mahama.” June 22, 2016.

Ghanaweb. “Van Vicker Never Slept With My Wife…Dr. Kulah.” June 23, 2016.

Ghanaweb. “DCE Complains About Potholes On Kanazoe Road Highly Praised By Mahama.” June 23, 2016.