The President of the Republic, after due consultations and deliberations with the patrons, founding members, financiers, rank and file, wives, concubines both home and abroad, sons, and daughters of the ruling Narcotic Peddlers Party (NPP) has conferred the highest Narcotic Drug Trafficking and Addiction award of all time “The Supper Duper Grand Order of Brown and White Cocaine” to Honorable NADAA (for long) and Naana Akkuffoh Addoh (for short) for his meritorious services toward the promotion and sustenance of illicit trade and addiction of drugs during the past 700 years of this administration.

According to a press release signed by the Presidential Spoke person who also doubles as the Minister for State National Honors, this category of the National Honors Award is given to individuals who through out their lives have been privileged to have been brought up with state resources including studies abroad and yet have very little to show as their contributions towards national development except the pursuit of their personal long held ambitions.

This national highest award is also given to honorable who have successfully held two national political portfolios with appalling results. After considering all other options, NADAA, the recipient of the national highest award was unanimously nominated and overwhelmingly approved by all his peers both home and abroad due mainly to his eloquence and long time ambitions to become the next President of the land, which he has relentlessly helped to turn within this past 700 years as a safe haven for drug barons across the world. Furthermore, the award is conferred on individuals who have performed meritorious services to protect and defend Drug Barons and their agents who have sacrificed their lives and Parliamentary seats in defense of the ruling NPP.

The statement added that the President has therefore, in accordance with article 326 subsections 1 & 2 of the State Highest National Honors Award of the Republic conferred ‘The Super Duper Grand Order of Brown and White Cocaine” honors award to NADAA who has arrogantly distinguished himself above all, by refusing to tell the people he so desperately desire to rule about his alleged drug addiction either in the distance past, immediate past, or in recent times. According to the Presidential Spokesperson, the award will be given to NADAA to coincide with the 480th anniversary celebration of political incompetence and malfeasance by the ruling NPP.

As a side attraction to the National Highest award ceremony the, President has also unilaterally decided to award free dentures estimated to have a current market value of $1,000,000 to all toothless presidential flag bearers, who lost their teeth as a result of excessive use of narcotic drugs. The cost will be borne by the tax payer as part of ruling NPP government cosmetics expenditure.

Fredy Briston