Dear Christian unmarried ladies, let us look at the intricacies of a relationship with a human male, beginning with the challenging issue of physical intimacy. The world has somehow gotten us to believe that the way to a man’s heart is through his body.

But the bigger lie is buried in the centre of that statement because it implies that we women have nothing else to offer except our bodies. When we allow this subtle lie of Satan to influence our reasoning, we become victims of a double-edged deception. If our bodies are all we have to offer, we are in trouble. Unless we are Olympic gold medallists in the bedroom (and who knows what really constitutes that), we stand to lose based on expectations we don’t even know about. Being the world’s greatest lover is purely subjective.

God never meant for us to have to bear that kind of pressure. Sex was designed to be a response to love not a foundation for it. It was to be the cement and seal of an already established commitment made in the presence of witnesses who stood in agreement before God. If we settle for conditions less than this, we leave ourselves open for pain and in some cases, irreparable damage.

“But you don’t understand!” you say “you don’t know how long it has been.” “You can’t possibly imagine how good it feels to be caressed, and kissed and held, and …. Well, you know.”

Christian women have been in places where we have wondered how much is too much. We have run the gamut from “one kiss won’t hurt “to how far can I go without totally compromising my faith and feeling guilty about it later! Some have even rationalised and spiritualised oral sex so that it is permissible for easing tension until you can move on to intercourse. Come on now! Don’t cringe and pretend you don’t know anything about this. I am being brazenly honest because Satan does his best damage by cloaking his victims in secrecy. These things need to be brought out in the open and dealt with. It is the only road to victory (if you have found yourself in any of the above mentioned situations, don’t beat yourself to death but don’t stay there either). Get up, repent, dust yourself off, and move on. You are not the only one who has fallen short, regardless of what the devil is telling you. And yes, God will forgive you. He sees your heart and he is willing to walk with you and work with you until you get it right.

And in case you have decided that you “have needs” and persist in experimenting with how far you can go before you cross the technical line, let us see what God told Michelle Hammond, the founder and President of Heart wing Ministries , U.S.A. Michelle says “ God told me, you are not a store sample. The man I have chosen for you will be willing to pay the price to take you home. There is no need for a “taste test” beforehand. You are a well-kept woman.” She continues “the lord showed me that a well-kept woman is always mindful of her worth; she never stoops to being common and cheap. This woman will not be handled, examined and thrown back into anyone’s bin! God continued, you are a Tiffany diamond and when I am finished with you, you will be of the highest grade. No flaws.” (Proverbs 31:10 KJV). God’s word says “who can find a virtuous woman, her price is far above rubies” God says we are so valuable that a man should be willing to pay a life time for us, with interest! I realise this train of thought does not exactly line up with worldly thinking.

Some spiritual principles

They are built into the spirit of men and women to line up with the laws that God decreed from the beginning. No matter how liberal a couple is, once they sleep together, a horrible little word crawls into the bed and snuggles up between them under the covers. That word is obligation. Both parties feel it. Most women give their bodies because they want to feel loved and connected. Once the act is completed, they expect the reward of commitment. After all if you have given your whole being to this man, it seems only fair. When men wake up and find obligation staring them in the face, their spirits recoil. And women feel that recoil. This start a chain reaction. We cling, they pull away, we cling harder and the cycle goes on and on and on. I think we have all either been there or have seen this happen to our friends. The world calls this “making love”. The truth is if the love isn’t already there, you certainly cannot create it.

Sex and soul ties

It is far more painful to break up with someone you have slept with than with someone you have not. That is because God created sex to be the seal of marriage, to bind two people together. Sex is not just a pleasurable experience or an expression of love. Sex creates a soul tie whether love is present or not. The word says, “the two shall become one flesh.” When the relationship is severed, the soul is torn. This can be likened to peeling a potato or tearing the bark off a tree. Sounds agonizing, doesn’t it? God never intended for us to endure that kind of pain. Yet it is a pain He can’t allow us to escape because it is a consequence of sin. Yes God will forgive us but he cannot protect us from burning ourselves if we choose to touch the stove. He did His part. He warned us. We make the choice. His choice for us is men who will commit willingly out of a heartfelt decision, not because of over bearing obligation.

This soul tie was designed for our own security, when a man commits out of pure love, not tainted by lust and selfish motives, a woman knows she is desired as a person not an object. When this process is circumvented by premature sexual relations, it lays a foundation for distrust. The man is never sure you won’t yield just as easily to another man.

A well-kept woman

Speaking of well-kept woman, how would you feel about Jesus sitting in your bedroom watching you engage in a sexual situation He has not ordained? Would you be comfortable with that? Even if you left Him “sitting” in the living room, He would know what you are doing. How would you feel knowing He would be watching as the man left in the morning? Would you be that brazen if Jesus were a man you could literally see sitting in your home? Jesus wants better things for you. I encourage you to have faith in God. Believe that you are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” Look and behave like a well-kept woman.

The man that God has reserved for you will see and recognise your specialness because you are the piece of himself that he has been missing. You will complete the puzzle of his life. Since women sometimes seem to know these things before men do, it is up to us to give them time to find out without compromising ourselves. Remember, the things you do now will affect your relationship for the rest of your life.

God is interested in your sex life. A man falls in love with you based on how he feels when he is with you. As a godly woman, you have to keep things under control. It is alright to make him feel desirable, but make it very clear by words or action that you cannot be physically available until the commitment (marriage). He will definitely respect you for that. (to be continued…)