Opinions of Wednesday, 9 October 2019

Columnist: Able Delalie

'Sex For Grades' exposé has confirmed the role mothers play in abuse

Prof. Gyampo of the Political Science department, University of Ghana Prof. Gyampo of the Political Science department, University of Ghana

First instance:

Dr. Boniface Coldroom threatened to report the girl to her mother if she does not agree to do every dirty disgusting thing he tells her to do. In his own words "I can call you to come any day. If you don't come, then I will know you have gone. Then I will tell your mum you're disobedient to me."

Countless times we have believed perpetrators of evil over our daughters, sons, sisters and all vulnerable people. It has become a cycle. Kids grow up to subject their kids to the same treatment. Every single generation.

This dialogue between the 2 of them shows that he has done it and it has been working for him. He has lied against his prey because everyone will believe him. As a pastor, the trust people have in him is triple that of a mere man. This is the terrible world we live in. We tell them they're possessed by the devil to seduce them, especially if they're men of God. We tell them they're bad girls. We tell them they are a disgrace to the family. Always victim-blaming. Never holding these devils accountable for their sins.

Second instance:

Prof Gyampo told the girl "pick up the phone and tell mummy that someone says he wants to marry me after school." Immediately some mothers hear marriage, they boil, then roast their brains and bury. Our society has made us believe marriage is everything to a woman. Until a woman bears the name of a man other than her father, all her accomplishments are void. We are groomed right from childhood to marry, period!!

We're all mounting pressure on people to get married.

That is what gave this Professor the temerity to suggest this way chocolate drink(all in one package) in exchange for marriage, which we all know is a lie. He'll have dumped her like yesterday's rubbish.

We gave, still give, these men ammunition to hurt the victims. And this case like the hundreds of others will go cold on the thousands of girls depending on a piece of good news to come out of their dark places. Guess what? We have succeeded in plunging them further into darkness.

Girls cannot confide in their mothers. Because they know whose side she'll be on, and it will not be the girl she carried in her womb for 9 months, breastfed and nurtured.

The society as a whole believes prestigious men over victims. Philanthropists over the poor. Gentlemen over ladies. We all did this to ourselves.

I had high hopes for our generation of parents. But I am beginning to lose all the vim. On the path that we're on, we're likely to fail our kids like the previous generations.

It's high time we listened. It's high time we believed the stories of victims. No sexual harassment story is perfect. Victims don't have to be innocent young girls in the bedrooms at 6pm for us to believe her. Even that, people might find an excuse for these men. Maybe you winked when he broke into the room. Or you sent him a signal during the day or else, he'll not be in your room forcing himself on you.

We need to do right by ourselves.