The mixed commentaries that have characterized the ugly assault incident which took place in a dormitory of Adisadel College, have led me to share my thoughts on an aspect of the things we should pay attention to, beyond the usual public outcry and school shaming. No doubt, it is a very bizarre display of wickedness which can be likened to an act of terrorism perpetrated by valueless students housed within the walls of an institution which was solidly founded on great values.

Adisadel College was founded on January 4th, 1910 by the Society for the Propagation of the Gospel (S.P.G.) and became SPG Grammar School. It later became St Nicholas Grammar School and finally assumed its current name Adisadel College in nearly 1936. Adisco, as it is affectionately known, prides itself in producing high profile men who would be outstanding as they take up their rightful positions in the field of work to add to the gains of their predecessors. The rationale behind the value education that is embedded in the training given to students of Adisadel College can only be understood by looking at its advantages regarding how it helps students to grow physically and emotionally, and how the lessons of manners taught on the Hill foster a sense of brotherhood, ethics and social tolerance. That is why the college aims to be a first-class educational institution that excels in all fields of endeavour through the provision of a conducive environment and with the active involvement of all stakeholders to motivate both staff and students to achieve the best. Anyone who was trained up on that Hill fondly remembers how with pride you’d drive up the hill with your chop-box full of provisions and trunk stuffed with clothes to the dormitory for resumption of an experiential stay. How with pride we woke up at dawn together, fetched water and bathed together, walked to the dining hall and to our various classrooms together. How with pride we sang the school’s anthem at the Canterbury Hall, and till date, we identify ourselves with pride as Santaclausians everywhere we find ourselves.

It is therefore sad that a final year student of this fine college was captured on a viral video to have strangled his mate to the point of immobility and without any shred of home sense, went ahead to hit the helpless victim’s face to the metallic bar of their bunk bed. That single act, while it has brought the school’s name into disrepute and gotten many well-meaning people talking about it, has also raised a red flag as to where we are headed with the kind of educational systems and parenting styles we have now. The Adisco assault is an attack on our modern parenting and a consequence of the passive parenting being witnessed in some homes today.

It is not by chance that the first of the three models of Education and Community is the Traditional Community-based Education, in which communities provide new generations of young people with the education necessary for transmitting local norms and economic skills. In this model, education is deeply embedded in local social relations, and school and community are closely linked. In fact, educational leaders have argued that the greatest collaboration when it comes to quality upbringing of children exist between parents (the home) and teachers (the school). Indeed, it is not only charity that begins at home. Mutual respect, honesty, fairness, responsibility, integrity, compassion, kindness, faith and loyalty all begin at home even before the child is exposed to the second model of Education and Community which is government-provided education, in which governments have assumed responsibility for providing and regulating education. The content of education has been largely standardized within and across countries, and governments have diminished the role of the community.

The current educational system with its lack of resources and management incapability has left teachers and School Management Committees (SMCs) between the rock and a hard place. Today, even at the Junior High School level teachers and school authorities are not able to enforce disciplinary codes without the wrath of parents and at times school Supervisors. What was captured on tape is something we should all be worried about not because it is Adisadel College or any other institution, but because things are happening in many other schools and these are triggers for the emergence of the collaborative model, in which the home should be made to play a supportive role in government’s provision of education. Education takes place most efficiently and effectively when parents and teachers collaborate.

One of our greatest challenge as parents is our inability to model the values, we wish to have our children grow up with. Even as educated adults, we have still not been able to fully appreciate the profundity of the implications of our mindsets that no one else should be allowed to discipline our children even though we aren’t able to do it ourselves. Admittedly, there are no laws and rules to parenting. Thus, the only laws and rules are those that are made by ourselves. Today’s children are not benefitting from the values that courteous behaviour has to offer because children of today behave one way at home and a totally different way when in school or attending important social gatherings.

As a parent teacher, I like to look at parenting as a sacrificial enterprise as opposed to a love drowning venture. In as much as parents would desire, courtesy and respect are not traits that are innately ingrained in a child. If it was to be so, we wouldn’t have been told that, "Y3 ntsetse h3n mba yie!" before they put up a show to embarrass us. Courteousness and courtship are very important bedrock values which parents must model with every logical rigour in a bid to teaching their children at home. Raising courteous children will give them an edge in their social development and help them feel comfortable and confident in any social setting. They’ll also discover the many benefits that common courtesy has to offer in their personal and professional lives even after they have left school. Courteousness isn’t a behaviour that you can set aside for special occasions, it is a polite behavior that reflects good manners and respect and kindness to others. This quality, invariably extinct or reduces your primal urge to cause harm or visit hostility on another.

Parents are encouraged to be courteous with their talks and actions when with their children at home. Parents should use low tone voice in their engagement with children, smile a lot, use the magical words, ‘please’, ‘thank you’ and ‘sorry’, very often and appreciate the positives of others. Our children learn by copying our examples, which is why we should not expose them to domestic violence and hostilities. We should also avoid being sarcastic or overbearing when teaching young ones manners or they may reject our efforts. Be patient, progress is seldom linear. Parents should be present in the lives of their children and set the examples by being courteous at home. If you treat children with kindness and respect, it’s much easier to expect them to do the same. Parental example gives courtesy greater meaning in the lives of these young boys. Parents should also talk about the benefits of courteous behavior with children so they can catch the vision for why it is important in their lives. A courteous child is easily able to stand out in the society and is easier to befriend than one with ill manners.

In today’s high-tech world of computers, tablets and smart phones and televisions, children learn quicker and become smarter at a younger age. These advances in their intellect, however, will do them little good if parents fail to teach them the social skills needed for getting along with others. I support the initial sanctions given to the perp and his collaborators, and even the victim too. It is a step in the right direction to have interdicted the House masters too. It is a good call that the Attorney General, himself another fine Santaclausian, has ordered for institutional investigation into the matter. But beyond all that, I think that parents have to be intentional to model the behavior they want their children to learn and while at teaching them all the courteous nitty gritties, they should also teach them how to court for these values from the people in their lives.