By Kwame Okoampa-Ahoofe, Jr.

Our elders say that:
“A married man who trolls
outside the comforts of his homestead
in search of peace
and happiness
is looking for trouble…”
Uncle Tee,
who is this
Prophet T. B. Joshua
that everybody is talking about
and claiming
to have more clout over
your thoughts
and decisions
than your own
right-hand man…
anyway,
about the only thing
Yoruba
and/or Nigerian
I like more than
almost anything else
is Eba and
Egusi stew
or soup;
so I was repulsed
to the quick
the other day,
to learn
that somehow,
and for some strange reasons
yet to be explained
to me,
you gave up
the ghost
on your way
to Lagos…
yes,
on your way
to the lacustrine city
of Lagos;
and the Portuguese
seem to have been right,
for there is really
something leaky
about Lagos,
which does not quite
explain the critical congestion
that caused that nation’s capital
to be moved to
Abuja,
the Akan equivalent of saying:
“Daddy,
Leave let alone”
or
“Leave it alone,”
whichever conveys
the sounder meaning…
to Lagos
to see a Prophet
Temitope Balogun…
now doesn’t that sound
like Amoatia’s
Mpintin drums…
Temi-tope
Balo-gun gun
gun gun gun gun…
yes,
on your way
to Lagos
to a place called
Synagogue-Church;
what is a synagogue-church,
Uncle Tee…
something like
the Thesaurus’ version
of Convention People’s Party,
or Progressive People’s Party,
both of which,
by the way,
are the bastard scions
of United Gold Coast Convention…
yes,
to consult with
and get
the marbles
of your destiny
cast and
read to you,
at a cost,
by a forest-faced guy
who cannot even say
“Me see,”
“Me de” or
Even “Mese’ndee….”
Ebeii,
Uncle Fiifi Atta,
what is our world
coming to;
we elect you
to govern the land
and our weal,
and then you,
in turn,
appoint
a Lagos man
owner of a
tautologically named shrine
called
Temi-Temi-Temi
Temitope
Balo-
gun
to rule us…
Wow,
Uncle Tee,
I thought,
like me,
in grade school,
you learned
the Kimbanguist theory
of cultural
and spiritual
self-reliance…
alas,
I was grossly
mistaken,
for now,
we even hear
your Mpintin
kinsman,
Balo-gun,
had no wind
of your trip…

7/29/12