....for 2nd Deputy Speaker Job?

One of the disadvantages of holding political office is that the private life of the office holder becomes public and political as well. And so be it that the parliamentary committee has let us through some gory details of how some politicians lied about their certificates and which of them run to unzip their pants when they attend conferences and are in contact with white girls.

While I was feasting my eyes on the details of the Dr. Ananes and the Sheikhs, my imagination took off to look how things would have been had President Kuffour did the unthinkable by nominating MP for Yendi, Alhaji Malik Hassan Yakub for a ministerial appointment. You see, there are some salacious details the NDC stalwarts at the vetting committee who are from the North would most likely have brought up to hit Alhaji Malik Yakub?s ego. Luckily, this my former General Science Master at Tamasco, did not have to be vetted before taking up the all important job of Second Deputy Speaker.

All the same, I want to lead you down the road of a likely scenario had MP Malik Yakub been made to appear before the committee.

Question No. 1 (and I can imagine Bagbin asking this one). Hon. Malik Yakub, why were you dismissed from University of Cape Coast? (this is actually true, he was dismissed for poor academic performance, go check at UCC?s records).

This question would have caught my former General Science Master pants down. Not unlike Dr. Anane?s experience. He would have struggled to speak, but due to poor coordination between the lips, the tongue and the brains, the committee members would have had a good time looking at him fumble.

Qestion No. 2 (and this one, Mahama could be the interrogator) Is it true that you actually have harbored great deal of hate for Dr. Mohamed Ibn Chambas, who the NPP government promoted to the post of Secretary General of ECOWAS from opposition MP from Bimbilla?

MP Malik Yakub: Oh no. Why would I?

Here the honorable MP would have been lying under oath. You see, MP Malik Yakub has every reason to hate Dr. Chambas. This part of Malik Yakub?s like is rather too juicy to ignore. Once upon a time, and prepare you ears for this one, Young Malik and one Aminu Amadu were bosom friends and decided to snatch Mohamed Chambas girlfriend. Chambas was then not a Ph.D. He was a rather not well resourced Legon Bachelor degree holder. Aminu Amadu who was crowned the best Engineer of the year in the 1970s and commanded more resources decided to go for Chambo?s girlfriend for a wife.

Malik Yakub was the instrumental go between. And so it came to be that Chambo lost his beautiful girlfriend to Engineer Aminu. This native of Tumu beauty is still married to Mr. Aminu Amadu. The Italian mafia have a maxim that ?revenge is like a dish which tastes best when served cold.? Mohamed Ibn Chambers seem to have read this and acted on it.

He waited until it was MP Malik Yakub?s turn to marry a very rich and famous Tamale Businessman?s daughter. The wedding invitation cards were sent out and all was set for Malik?s great day. A week to the wedding, the bride-to-be was missing. The wedding had to be postponed until the whereabouts of Lady Nafisa could be known. But there was no panic or cause for alarm. All the tell-tale signs showed that Lady Nafisa went into voluntary incommunicado.

Truth later emerged that she had eloped with a young and handsome man from Bimbilla called Mohammed Ibn Chambas. After two weeks of vengeful fun, Chambo let go the beautiful damsel and left for graduate studies at Cornell University in the United States. Crestfallen Malik, still enamored by the inexhaustible charm of Lady Nafisah did what any man under the spell of love will do: He went ahead and re-scheduled the marriage with one condition put in place by the bride. And that is ?do not ask me where I was or why I did that. Malik still loves his wife but the heartache of knowing how much the Bimbilla boy trespassed to crop his treasured field still lingers on. And that explains Malik?s chronic hatred for the rather amiable Dr. Mohamed Ibn Chambas.

Question No. 3 Why did you change your name to Malik? You were born Nasagre.

Here the Chairman of the Vetting committee will pop in to disallow the question, which would have compelled Malik to tell how he hated the rather unimpressive traditional Dagomba name to a high sounding Arabic name.

Question No. 4 Did your unsuccessful attempt to get President Kuffour to pick you as running mate for the 2000 elections lead you to dislike VP Aliu Mahama? What explains the rancor and simmering tension between you and VP Aliu Mahama to the extent that the Vice President sponsored another candidate to contest for your seat at the NPP Yendi primaries?

Malik: I think you have to ask the VP for an answer. As far as I am concerned, there is not ill-feelings between the Vice President and myself.

Question No. 5 Regarding your alleged complicity in the killing of the Ya Na, do you still think your election is a vindication?

Malik: I never said I was vindicated. The press misquoted me. I think what happened at Yendi was rather very bad and should never have happened.

Question 6: You are an Ahmadi Muslim. Ahmadis are allowed to perform the pilgrimage to Mecca. Did you misrepresent yourself in your visa application to enable you make the pilgrimage?

Committee Chairman: This question is too sensitive. You are not required to answer it. Hon. Malik Yakub. You may now leave.